His words hit me, knocking out all doubt that came from the hug. He booked this before he even knew I was here, because he just had a feeling. I allow myself to lean into the magic of it all.
I’m not one to believe in fate, but I can’t deny the chances that have brought me and Nigel back together. Between the chance meeting yesterday before his very last night, and whatevercompelled him to book this bar ‘just in case’, it seems like the universe played every card that it had to get us together, right here, right now. I look across to him, to the face that used to stay up with me at night. To the face that had my back when no one else in my flat did. He looks the same – life hasn’t aged him, bar a little more facial hair. I feel a pull in my stomach. This is kismet. This could be somethingreal.
The waiter hands us a set of menus and some complimentary prosecco, and I smile back politely as he explains the way the bar works. Two drinks minimum per person and a selection of aperitivo dishes. Easy enough. Until I spot the fact the cocktails are twenty-five euros.
I scan over them, nonetheless. What else can I do?
‘So, Nigel, catch me up. What have you been up to?’ I ask, searching for anything remotely cheaper.
He sucks air in through his teeth. ‘How much time do you have?’
‘All night,’ I say.
He raises an eyebrow. ‘Allnight?’
I shrug. ‘However long you want me.’
His lips slant slightly as he reveals a charmingly crooked smile, before leaning further across the table. I lean too. From here I can make out his dimples, even in the dark.
‘Okay, may as well start at the beginning.’ He rolls his eyes back as he thinks. ‘Got to uni, met an absolute firecracker of a woman, befriended her, came to rely on her and then she left...’
‘How dare she!’ I gleefully play along.
‘Uni wasn’t for her,’ he says, in my defence. ‘But you know who was?’
He pauses, waiting for me to answer. I sigh gravely.
‘Tom.’
‘Tommy boy.’ He shakes his head. ‘Thought you and I had something, and then he came out of nowhere and whisked you off your feet.’
He winks at me, stressing the levity despite his deep words, and I feel a small spark within me. I let out a laugh and he meets it with a rich, warming smile. All at once, that spark ignites into a full flame.
‘I’m sorry about that,’ I say.
‘Hey, the heart wants what it wants. And, honestly, it’s my bad – I knew I wanted you, but I didn’t move fast enough,’ he replies. ‘What happened with you and Tom, anyway?’
We halt as the waiter comes over. I order the same drink as Nigel, too caught up in our catch-up to take in the menu. He’s barely turned on his heel before I continue.
‘He dumped me,’ I say.
‘Ouch.’
‘It’s okay, single suits me better,’ I say, shrugging.
The words leave my mouth with little to no thought, but I realise afterwards just how much I mean them. My relationship with Tom consisted of settling, just dwelling in what I had. I never grew, I never progressed and I never spoke up. I just... dwindled for five years and then one whole year after. Let life happen to me, rather than happening to it. This trip has changed that. This trip I’ve worked hard to build my own story. I straighten my spine, bolstered with a new, earned confidence. Nigel stares across from me, besotted.
‘You’re right, it does. You areglowing. And your column is absolutely amazing,’ he says, gushing.
I tense up, my newfound confidence a thing of the past.
‘You’ve read my column?’ I ask, trying to hide my tremors.
My mind immediately flashes back to Lina, the sadness I felt washing over me like muscle memory. I grit my teeth and bracemyself for Nigel’s scathing response, but he continues to smile back at me.
‘Yeah. I was already following you, of course, but today I clicked on your link and actually read through some of the articles. You’re just as funny as you used to be; I was cracking up.’
It’s positive, but not enough. Lina was positive too.
