I stare at her. ‘It’s not that easy.’
‘It is that easy. You’re clever. You can do something else. Or get a real job.’
‘A real job? I have a real job. What do you want me to be, a barista?’
‘You’d make a lovely barista. Brooding while you foam milk. Women love a grumpy man with a pretty face. You’d be the hit of the pensioners club.’
‘I’m not going to make coffee for horny old ladies.’
‘Move back in with me,’ Gran says abruptly.
‘What?’
‘You heard.’
‘Gran, you’ve only had a few years without me. I’ve sponged off you for long enough.’
‘I loved you living here. And you can bring Maggie too. I won’t even make you sleep on the couch when she stays. I’ve got a spare room. You can pay rent and take the bins out. You can stop hiding behind the nonsense.’
‘I’m not hiding.’
She gives me a withering look.
‘Roman, you’ve been hiding since you were a little boy. Since your mum left and your dad…’ Her mouth tightens, and her eyes grow wet. ‘Sincethen. You hide behind that online pish and this stupid idea that you don’t need anybody.’
I swallow hard.
Gran reaches for the cake again, slicing it with ruthless precision. ‘And if you keep on like that, you’ll end up old and lonely, and there won’t even be anyone to bring you cake.’
‘Gran…’
‘Listen to your elders. You know I’m right.’
I hate admitting it, but it’s true. Getting to know Maggie had broken a hole in the wall guarding my heart. Desperately trying to plug it with my fingers isn’t helping.
‘Maggie. Do you think I’ll like her?’
I nod. Gran would love her. They could crochet together while I feed them cake. Their humour would bounce off each other. How could they not like one another?
‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘I think you would.’
‘Then bring her,’ Gran says.
‘Gran…’
‘Stop arguing,’ she interrupts. ‘I’m not saying tomorrow. I’m not saying next week. But you bring her when you can. Don’t let the first woman who’s made you blush in years slip away because you’re scared.’
‘What if it doesn’t work out?’ Even voicing the fear makes my stomach churn.
‘What if it does?’
I stare at her.
‘You’ve spent your whole life acting like you’re already ruined. Like love is something that happens to other people. Like your shitty past has decided your future. But you’re alive. You’re here. You’ve got a woman who makes you weak, and you don’t want to pursue her because of this world of fallacy you’ve built up.’
God, she may as well just kick me in the shins already.
Gran softens a touch. ‘So stop being a coward. Do something terrifying for once.’
