In the quiet of the room, however, it was impossible not to hear the two young people talking, even in their low tones.
“I will do my mother the favor,” George was saying, “of waiting to announce the engagement until the end of the party…”
Scarlett stilled.The engagement.Had George actually asked her sister to become his wife?And if he had, why had she not told her?
“That is perfectly acceptable to me,” Tilly whispered.“I do not see a rush.I am merely happy to have it agreed upon between ourselves.”
It was settled, then.Her sister was engaged to George Salisbury.
For a moment, Scarlett felt hurt that her sister hadn’t confided in her.But then she wondered why she cared.Why shouldn’t Tilly have a secret engagement?It would only be for a matter of one or two weeks.Scarlett had long felt a proprietary interest in all that concerned Tilly, but now she was beginning to see that she had let it go too far.
Soon, Tilly would be married, and would live a life where her husband, not Scarlett, was her nearest connection.She didn’t need Scarlett the way she once had.And now that Scarlett saw this fact plain in front of her, she realized how many questions in her own life she had let go unanswered because she told herself that she must think of Tilly first.
Yes, her prospects had been severely limited by her father’s ruin.Tilly and her mother had had the wealth from Vera’s family to buoy them against disgrace.While Tilly’s prospects had been dimmed by their father’s loss, her very good dowry had ensured that she would have a future.Their household had been forced to economize, of course, as they had been unable to go on in the style of living they had maintained when her father was alive and prosperous.But Vera had more than enough on her own to furnish herself and her daughters with a comfortable home.
Scarlett had never been jealous of Tilly.How could she complain when Vera’s wealth had provided her with all the comforts of existence?Nevertheless, she saw now that she had resigned herself to having no future when she lost her father and her fortune, the dowry that would have been hers if he had not been ruined.
But she couldn’t let this loss determine her entire existence.Not anymore.She didn’t know what such a resolution meant.
She had always known that, even with money, she would never be any man’s first choice.And without it, she could hardly expect to be acceptable as a wife.She was plain and plump and not clever nor talented.These things would never change.
But did that mean she deserved no pleasure in life?
Before, she had accepted such a fate without question.Now, however, after her experiences with Mr.Malcolm Brown, she began to wonder.To think of other possibilities.
She sat there and watched the fire die in the grate.Tilly’s and George’s murmurs had once again become inaudible to her across the room.She didn’t mind.She no longer needed to know the contents of her sister’s conversations with her lover.In almost no time, they would be married.
No, Scarlett resolved, she needed to think now of herself.Tilly had made her choice.And Scarlett had to make hers.
She knew what this choice would be.She needed to live her own life before she awoke one day to realize it had passed her by.She didn’t want to only dream of what she wanted.
She wanted to seize it.
Scarlett Perkins needed to be ruined by Malcolm Brown.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Malcolm was sittingin his room, staring out into the ink-black summer night, when he heard the knock on his door.
Earlier that evening, he had been called away from the party by Ezra.A few of the sheep had escaped from the paddock, and Ezra wanted to know what Malcolm advised to recover them, but it was not his way to merely issue commands in these instances.After riding around the estate for an hour with Ezra, he had been able to locate all the missing sheep.He knew where the escaped ones liked to hide, where they ran to, and he had always been good at finding them.
The interlude had reminded him of his true purpose at Parkhorne.And it wasn’t sitting at table, flirting with beautiful women and being catered to by servants.It wasn’t drinking fine wine and wearing a silk cravat.
Nevertheless, all the while, as he had canvassed across the land searching for lost sheep, he had been unable to stop thinking of what Scarlett had told him at dinner.
She was not with child.Not withhischild.Her courses had arrived.Their mishap, that first night of pure absurd coincidence, had not resulted in any inconveniences.She would not have to yoke herself to him for life to avoid disgrace and ruin.
He should be relieved.He knew that.
And yet, receiving this information had carried all the comfort of a knife in his gut.He hadn’t realized how much he had hoped that somehow, someway, they would be forced together.Of course, he didn’t want an unwilling bride.But it was difficult to think of Scarlett as truly unwilling when yesterday she’d begged him to put his cock inside her.
Which was foolish.Because bedding and marriage, he well knew, given the origins of his own existence, were two very different matters.
Now he stood and crossed to the door, sure that he would encounter a maidservant on an errand or another messenger from Ezra.
But no.
It was her.
