‘Listen to me.’ His clawed fingers find my face again, and this time he holds me firmly but gently, one thumb pressed against my chin. His shadows embrace me, and the castle fades away until there is nothing but the darkness and Anguish. ‘I have as much freedom, as much choice, as you do. I am held here, just as you are. Whatever I tell you next, you must believe me. But Midonia …’
I try to back away but his grip is too tight; he holds me helpless before him. ‘What?’
‘If the sisters have their way, you will never leave this place alive.’
13
Anguish leads me through his castle, his dreamworld, whatever it is. Iknowwhen I came here yesterday it was nothing but a crumbling ruin. Now it’s an impossibly ornate edifice, a towering structure, draped in all the trappings of a palace. But there’s no way any of this can be here, changed perception or not.
Either I’m hallucinating, or I’m dreaming, or I’ve died and this is eternity.
As Anguish walks, his form is ever changing. Sometimes he’s a solid man; sometimes he is nothing but shadows and smoke; sometimes he is both, between forms, neither this nor that. I’m entranced by him. I know he can’t really be a god. He certainly isn’t a man. So what is he?
He ushers me into a curving stairwell, and we begin to ascend. As if reading my thoughts, he speaks. ‘Let me be honest with you, Midonia. I am not human.’
I pause on the stairs. ‘Right. You’re a god.’ My voice betrays incredulity.
He tosses a look over his shoulder. ‘In the eyes ofmany who might look upon me and not understand me, yes. In the eyes of the sisters, definitely. I humor them, because I have no other choice. But I am no more a god than you are. I’m … something else.’
My feet grow heavy; my heart staccatos. One possibility rises to the forefront of my mind. ‘So you’re, what, an alien?’
We reach the top of the stairs, exiting into a small tower room. He goes to the far side, where an archway leads out onto a windswept balcony. His smoky tendrils lift and swirl in the wind, joining with his hair in a confusion of black. Chill wind eddies across my skin and I join him at the stone railing, gripping hard with white knuckles.
I glance up at him. He’s looking out over the landscape, his profile stark against the mountains rearing up beyond.
‘Alien,’ he murmurs, almost to himself. ‘Yes. I suppose that is what I am, to you. I was born at the furthest edges of your galaxy. From the bosom of a great nebula, I came into the world. I traveled far, for a long time, until I found this place. Or rather … the sisters foundme. They called me to them. And I have been here ever since.’ His voice breaks, a human vulnerability.
My chest tightens. My rational mind tells me it’s too far-fetched. And yet … the universe is so vast, so muchof it undiscovered. So many questions left unanswered. I desperately want to believe him. I want to make sense of what’s happened to me. I want to make sense ofhim.
‘When you say that you’re held here, that you have no other choice …’
‘I mean exactly that.’
‘The sisters are keeping you captive?’
‘That’s a kind way of putting it. Centuries ago, when humans were first starting to colonize new worlds, a group of devout women came to live here. It was remote enough that they wouldn’t be persecuted for what they would say are standard religious practices. And perhaps fate worked in their favor, because I happened to pass this very planet. They found me in orbit, sensing me somehow. They’ve never explained how they came to discover me. Or perhaps … they didn’t. It might have been a coincidence, a twist of fate. It’s possible they had no idea that I was drifting above the atmosphere, that I was listening to their prayers.
‘Their chants enveloped me, took hold of my senses. They shackled me. And then, when they had me in their clutches, they broke me. I still don’t know how they do it. I don’t know exactly how it works. But when they worship me, the sisters renew their power over me. Their chants are like a drug to me, keeping me weak and obedient. I can’t leave this planet, no matter how hard I try. Their fervent belief, the prayers and thechants, all serve to hold me here. I am not their benevolent god.’
‘They’re controlling you?’ My voice is almost a whisper.
‘Yes.’
‘With theirprayers.’
‘Yes.’ I can’t read him; can’t tell if he’s lying. He’s a shadow beside me. He’s a man and an idea. Analien. His burning eyes fixate on me. ‘But they will not control me forever.’
‘How will you escape?’
He seems to slump then, to weaken before me. He gazes out over the darkened valley below, at the distant village lights, twinkling against the black. ‘I have often asked myself that very question.’
‘Did you ask them to … the ritual …’
He spins on me, eyes wild with firelight. ‘Never. The memory of it clings to me like a blade in my gut. When you landed here, when I felt the pulsing beat of your heart from my shadowed ruin, I knew that you had finally come to me. Because you are meant for me. I am meant foryou. But the perverse rituals the sisters perform are their own invention.’
‘What do you mean, I was meant for you?’ It makes no sense. He was born on the edge of the galaxy. I’m human, and he’s … something else entirely.
A drug-like heat burns through me nonetheless. He’sbeen calling to me all my life. Watching me. I know I didn’t dream it; those notebooks are real. And now, against all odds, here he is, sharing the air I breathe.
