Alexei carried me away from the prisoner and the quiet group at our backs. When he opened the door at the top of the stairs, MJ’s sharp voice echoed through the hall.
“Out of all the times you could’ve admitted to your bond, you picked the most fucked-up one. Nice job.”
Alexei groaned and picked up his pace. “I’m sorry, beautiful.”
Words failed me as I gazed out the gothic windows we passed. Sheets of snow slammed against the glass panes, rattling them with concerning force.
Maybe they’d break. Maybe the glass would slice me apart and my outsides would match my insides. But they didn’t. Eventually, we arrived at my door, and something cool pressed into my palm. Rune bumped into my hand again, this time licking it.
“Ronen sent her,” Alexei explained. Not that he had to—I could tell by her dimming eyes that Ronen had a hand in her appearance.
He knew I needed her. He knew she comforted me. Unlike him, I couldn’t hide and block everything that related to our cordistella bond.
“Keep him out, or you’re not coming in,” I warned Rune. As much as I needed her, I didn’t need him spying on my every breath. He might be aware of my every emotion, but that was out of my control.
I didn’t want him.
I didn’t want Aspen.
Alexei walked through my red-and-white sitting area and pointed out the steaming food a maid had left on my coffee table. It looked like gritty, sandpaper mush waiting to happen. When I didn’t comment, he carried me into my bedroom, passing the crackling fire that warmed the area but left my body untouched.
All I wanted was to go to sleep and wake in our cozy mountain home, having never met Aspen, with no desire for adventure or answers,spending my mornings with my overprotective, chicken-loving mom, and accepting that was enough.
“The king will let us know when it’s time for her funeral. Until then, rest.” He tucked the red comforter around me, and a fresh wave of tears tumbled down my face. It shouldn’t be Alexei tucking me in or coming to my defense. It should be Oliver.
I wished he’d wake up.
“Alexei.”
He stopped near my door, turning back with gentle blue eyes.
“Can you check on Oli for me? And keep Ronen away from my room?”
He nodded. “Whatever you need, beautiful.”
What I needed was to turn back time. But no one could help me do that.
Chapter
Two
Ronen
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
This was the problem with infuriating bonds. Chaos took over in my head and plucked strings I believed were untouchable. My composure failed. Sound, rational thought fled. All I knew were my wants and desires. But this was much worse than when I was bonded with Gabriel. Words never spewed out of my mouth—at least not after he trained me. There was a time at the beginning of our mentorship when I hadn’t cared what I said to the old man. I didn’t want his help. But I needed it. Then, I couldn’t help but want his friendship. Sometime after that, Etan carved the Guardian Rune into my back, and that ultimately led to Gabriel’s death.
I could not stand to let that happen to Lucille.
I barely survived losing Gabriel.
I may have looked into the pet’s head and known he would never harm her or us, but that didn’t account for their bond—a bond that could be severed if one of them died.
Grinding my sword into the dungeon floor, shadows dimmed my vision, edging toward infrared sight as I stared at the pet. The metalblade scraped against stone, the sound unsatisfactory. I desired to hear something that cracked, squished, and gushed. I’d even enjoy a few gurgled gasps. My demanding shadows eagerly awaited my violence. They slithered around my skin on a barely restrained leash. Their bond was a threat. We killed threats. No questions. No mercy. Gone.
He stared back, his Seraphim flames absent from his eyes, his expression flat and almost haggard. He looked like he hadn’t slept the last two days. Probably hadn’t. I remembered waking from my Hell Runes. It was like a switch had flipped back on. I could finally feel all the emotions that’d been suppressed. They barreled into me one on top of the other, bringing with them memories of all the innocents I murdered, all the terrible deeds Etan forced me to do, all my torture, and the pain of Gabriel’s death. It had been the darkest moment of my life.
I doubted the pet would even care if I killed him.
