“It’s the Celestrus they crush up and soak the thread in. Your dress will have it too,” he said softly.
I stopped staring long enough to nod. He placed the dress bag on my bed and left to wait in the sitting area.
Rising was difficult. Cement replaced my bones, and icy mud oozed through my veins, urging me to curl into a ball and stay put. Every step was an insurmountable feat I had to force myself to conquer. Slowly, I entered my closet, unzipped the bag, and stepped into the heavy, long-sleeve dress. Midnight velvet hugged my breasts to my upper thighs, then slowly widened. A thin gauze covered my neck down to the sweetheart line of my chest. The dress’s cut was stunning, but the details made it exquisite. Silver beads speckled the velvet, clustering close to my wrists and shoulders and creating a galaxy of stars across the bodice. The glowing embroidery swirled around my cleavage, wrapped at my waist, and descended my thighs.
Beautiful. Gorgeous. Otherworldly. Those were the words I’d use to describe this dress.
Haunted. Agonized. Unfit. Those were the words I’d use to describe the person wearing the dress.
It seemed wrong to wear something that should belong to some celestial queen to a funeral. It seemed wrong to dress up at all. At least the coloring was dark, but I could do without the glow.
That was a lie.
I grazed my hands along the star-like beads and bit my lip. It wasn’t the glow or the color or even the dress. It was the memories the sparkling beading dredged up. It was my mother taking me out after a winter storm and making snow angels beneath the stars, giggling and enjoying our small slice of life. It was her praying and cursing to the night sky as if it both answered and shunned her. That was what this dress reminded me of. And as much as it pained me and weakened my knees, maybe it was the best way to honor her—wearing the stars we wished to.
I scratched behind Rune’s ears, giving my reflection one last look. Then I walked out to Alexei, forgoing the effort to brush my hair. I only had so much energy.
He gave my dress an appreciative nod, then gestured to a pair of matching gossamer heels. Never in my life had I worn a pair of heels. I was almost tempted to go barefoot. No one would be able to see my feet beneath all this fabric.
“If you would rather go in a pair of boots, by all means.”
I slowly raised my gaze, meeting Alexei’s gentle expression.
He quirked a small smile. “Or if you’d rather go in a sweatshirt and leggings, I’ll be right behind you. Bet I could find something in Oliver’s closet.”
Oliver.
He was going to miss my mother’s funeral. I wouldn’t have my best friend by my side at the hardest time in my life. My eyes stung, and I looked away.
“Aww, Hells. I’m sorry, beautiful.” Alexei tugged me into his arms. “I shouldn’t have brought him up.”
Rune butted my hand, whimpering. I rubbed her soft shadow fluff, soaking in her comfort. “It’s okay,” I mumbled. But nothing felt okay.
Alexei pulled back. “Oh no. I’m not taking any of that bullshit. AsOliver’s temporary stand-in, I know he’d want you to let it all out.” He squeezed my shoulders. “I don’t want to hear you say it’s okay, I’m okay, I’m sorry, or any other statement meant to comfort us while disregarding yourself. Today, you get to be utterly selfish. Okay?”
“And tomorrow?” I asked, lifting my lip in what I hoped was a half-smile and not some deranged, grieving grimace.
“That depends on whether or not you make me wear leggings tonight.” He smirked.
I huffed. Not a laugh. Not a scoff. But a breathy, short noise that stemmed from a minuscule lightness that landed on my chest before fluttering away.
“As much as I’d love to see everyone’s reaction to that sight, Oliver would never forgive me if he missed that,” I replied, holding Alexei’s arm as I wiggled into the heels.
“I guess we’ll just have to wait till he wakes up then.”
I side-eyed him. “I’m holding you to that.”
He inclined his head, giving me a meaningful look. “Same.”
After my split second of reprieve, the somber weight of tonight fell over me like a mourning shroud. Alexei, with his arm securely fastened around my waist to prevent another almost face-plant, led me out of my rooms, out of the castle, and into his sleigh.
His spotted Hellcats, Rosie, Jaz, and Scarlet, blinked us from the frigid castle grounds to the warm Eternal Forest.
The behemoths surrounding us stretched far into the night sky, shining with their signature blue glow. Blood-banded and angelic souls soared around the large trunks. Their dark navy attire faded into the darkness, leaving only their illuminated embroidery to stand out. Much like the trees around us. They were like ethereal fairies descending from the heavens. But I knew the truth. Beneath their beautiful attire were warriors and sinners, either sent to Hell or bound by a deal that cost them their freedom. They drifted down near the line of sleighs and Hellcats, then followed the sea of bodies toward a gathering in the distance.
Had my mother known this many angels? Had they been part of her other life? The one that contained secrets, battles, and lies.
“Ready, beautiful?” Alexei asked from the ground, holding out his hand.
