“I can get better,” I said in a rush, sitting forward on the chair. “I could start drinking the smoothies again. They’ll help build muscle. I’ll get stronger.” I petered out, staring at the sympathetic expression on Coach’s face. “Coach?”
“I’m sorry, KC. You’re a good linebacker, but it’s my duty as your coach to take care of your health over football. You’re struggling. You’re not eating. You’re slowly killing yourself and I won’t be part of the reason. You deserve to get well, first and foremost.” He clasped his hands together. “That’s why I’ve made the decision to bench you until you prove you’re better. That means I want reports from doctors and medical professionals.”
“Other coaches wouldn’t care,” I snapped, surprising myself at how angry I sounded.
Coach frowned. “I’m not other coaches. My players’ health comes first. Always.”
“This is fucked.” I shot to my feet, the back of my knees hitting the chair and rocking it backward until it clattered to the floor. I jabbed my chest. “I’m the best linebacker you have. Rodman and Petersen have nothing on me. You’re going to lose over something so stupid?”
“Watch it, Beaumont.” His voice sharpened. “I’ve had a long and tedious talk with Nairn and Hawthorn and they agree. It’s in your best interest.”
“Bullshit.” I shot him a mean glare before I stormed toward the door. As I exited, Coach called my name, but I ignored him. I stomped down the hallway and outside. I headed straight tomy Jeep, blood roaring in my veins and heart thundering. My fingers itched to punch something, but my eyes prickled with furious tears I tried hard to keep at bay.
My hands shook as I drove home to Ren’s place, my chest heaving through stammering breaths. I was choking on air, my throat closing around the urge to scream in anguish.
By the time I arrived and managed to get to the front door, the tears had broken the waterline and dripped down my cheeks. As soon as I was inside, Ren’s happy voice came from the kitchen.
“Kansas, is that you? How did practice go?”
My gaze slid to his back. He was shirtless, standing in front of the fridge as he searched inside. He scratched his hip, but the moment he straightened and turned to look at me, my world shattered. Having his eyes on me, bright and happy, was the kind of tackle I couldn’t come back from. It was rough and breath stealing. I fucking crumbled like a weak-ass cookie.
“Kansas?”
Tears flooded my cheeks as I collapsed there in the living room, my knees giving out from under me. I curled into a fetal position, every ounce of pain and agony and disappointment drowning me until all I wanted to do was lie there and never get up. I was a failure. I was ashamed. I was everything Hudson implied.
Somewhere near me, voices closed in. They were distant, like I was underwater, and I recognized Oli’s distraught tone.
“KC? KC!”
Hands touched me. I think. I wasn’t sure. My eyes closed and I clenched them tight, praying to see only darkness.
18
REN
Panic surged in my throat, hot and choking. I’d dealt with a lot of dangerous things in my life and they’d never reaped this feeling from me. KC was a mess, splintering straight down the center until he’d folded in on himself. He was shattering as easily as glass on cement.
I had no idea what to do.
If I were my father, I would’ve told him to suck it up, but I wasn’t him and KC deserved better. He deservedme, his boyfriend.
Memories splashed across my mind—Andrea, skinny and fragile, smiling grimly as she ate while her face turned gray. Andrea excusing herself to go to the bathroom and me, being a kid worried about her, following until I heard retching outside the door. Andrea shaking and crying, whimpering that she wasn’t skinny enough.
Andrea.
Andrea.
Andrea.
KC wasn’t Andrea. Yet.
My lungs snapped and tightened, twisting until it was difficult to breathe. I had to help. Fix.Anything.
I squeezed his bicep. “KC, can you hear me?”
He sobbed harder, his entire body trembling violently. He buried his face between his knees. The sound that left his throat was downright haunting, a cry that struck cold fear in my chest.
Oliver sent wide eyes toward me, gaze begging.Help him. We need to help him.
