My taste mixed with some road grit hit my tongue, but I swallowed it. I did the same thing to KC’s fingers that Ren had done earlier in the café, feeling higher and less connected to the ground the longer my dick waved in the wind and KC fucked my mouth with his fingers.
When he slipped away, I started laughing, but I could feel my emotions getting ready to bubble over, more explosive than a volcanic eruption. I’d been trying so hard to stuff everything down and not make my issues anyone else’s problem. I tried to turn away as tears gathered in my eyes and I fumbled my dickinto my boxers, but then KC gathered me close. A terrible sob spilled free into the sunshine. God, it didn’t belong there. Once I started sobbing, I couldn’t stop, no matter how much I wanted to keep it all inside.
13
KC
I read the name printed on the card clutched between my fingers. A name of a doctor. Adoctorwho meant nothing to me. A stranger who was supposed to help me, though I wasn’t sure what with. As far as I was concerned, I didn’t have an issue. I’d stopped drinking protein smoothies around my boyfriends. I’d cut my intake, and while I hadn’t substituted the lost calories withrealfood, I’d done what I’d said I was going to do.
I was sticking with Hawthorn’s original meal plan we’d worked out.
Yet Pa had still given me the card while Ren and Oli were with me after the game on Saturday night, so now I was expected to call him and make an appointment. The moment Pa had passed the name over, Oli had given me a particularly pointed look, the kind that told me to do it or he’d rat me out to Ren for drinking smoothies at his apartment. Logically, I knew he was acting this way because he cared and was worried, yet resentment settled deep in my chest until it became one with my lungs.
Ren was busier, since he had hockey on top of his tattoo parlor. He was already gelling with his teammates, and I was proud of him. When he wasn’t practicing, he was working, whether it was tattooing someone or cleaning or looking at the books. One thing I’d learned about Ren since we’d started dating was that he was a hell of a good businessman. Even though he had an accountant, he double- and triple-checked everything, and he had a chain of parlors back in LA that he needed to check in with as well.
Ren’s first hockey game had finished an hour ago. They’d won, so he went out with his teammates for drinks. He’d asked me and Oli if we wanted to come, but I’d shot him down with the excuse that I wanted to go to bed early. Oli had agreed with me, but I suspected he wanted to keep a close eye on me because he was currently sitting on the couch with Mr. Wiggles on his lap, peeking at me from the corner of his eye.
“If you want to ask something, do it.” I raised my gaze to him from where I sat at the kitchen table.
Oli scratched his fingers down the ferret’s back and Mr. Wiggles.... Well, he wiggled in excitement. It was easy to see how Ren chose his name. “Are you going to call him? It’s been four days.”
“Three,” I shot back. “He doesn’t work on Sundays.”
I searched the doctor’s practice on Google and got a face for the name. Dr. Bailey Griffin. He was young, probably in his early thirties, but had a caring smile. According to his biography, he had studied at NGU and he was on the college’s swim team, so he knew about sports. While he’d majored in psychology as a whole, he’d minored in sport and performance psychology. I liked the look of him on paper, but I wasn’t so sure about in person.
“Why are you arguing with the technicalities?” Oli grumbled. “You need help.”
I bristled, irritation tingling across my skin. “I don’tneed help. There’s nothing wrong with me.” I shot to my feet and paced the kitchen. My feet were bare, which meant I couldn’t stomp the way I wanted to. “I drank too many smoothies and ended up in the hospital. It wasonetime. That doesn’t make it a problem.”
“You’re barely eating, KC!” Oli shifted Mr. Wiggles onto the couch and jumped to his feet, storming toward me. “When you have anything that isn’t that super healthy stuff your trainer told you to eat, you make disgusted faces like it hurts you. Everyone needs help at some point, and we want you to get it before this issue becomes a huge problem. We don’t cook very much, so when are you eating all your healthy stuff?”
“You can’t talk.” The words tumbled out of my mouth, angry and defensive. I stopped pacing, my spine tight to the point pain lanced across my shoulders. “You’re avoiding your naive mom and useless dad like a fucking coward.”
Oli tensed.
All at once, the reality of what I’d said hit me hard. Each word was poison, and combined together, I’d hit him with a goddamned nuke.
I’d meant to. I’d wanted to hurt him as much as he was hurting me.
At the same time, horror at what had spilled from my mouth struck me. I took a step forward, but he was already shaking his head and shuffling back.
“Oli—”
“Is that what you really think?” His whisper was so fucking loud it was like standing next to a speaker at a concert. The pain written on his face tore me apart, but he didn’t want me anywhere near him, not with the way he sidled toward the door.
“No. I’m—fuck. I’m sorry. That was mean.” I clenched my fist around the card and the corners dug into my palm so deep I wouldn’t be surprised to end up with papercuts.
“I can say a lot of mean things, too, KC, but I don’t because I love you and I never want to hurt you. Icareabout you, which is why I want you to see that doctor.” He pointed at my fist, tears glittering in his eyes. “I haven’t told Ren what I saw even though I should’ve. I didn’t even tell your pa. I toldno one. But you need to talk to a professional, someone who can give you the support you need. Your trainer suggested it, too. And your coach. They know better than anyone. And I will always be here for you, but I won’t let you treat me like shit. We all have our own crap going on, and I don’t deserve that.”
“I know.” Hot tears prickled my eyes and I ground my teeth to hold them at bay. “I lashed out. It was cruel.”
Mr. Wiggles scampered up the back of the couch and reached out his head toward Oli, but Oli ignored him, too busy scalding me with a thousand-yard stare that made me want to collapse on my knees and beg for forgiveness.
“Call him,” Oli said, inching closer to the door. He grabbed his wallet and phone from the bowl on the side table near the front door. “I’m uh....I’m going out. Maybe meet Ren at Sinful.”
“Oh.” Fuck, I’dreallymessed up. Oli hated clubs, and if he was going there, one of the loudest, most annoying places around, it was because he wanted to get as far away as he could from me.
My chest ached and I gave him a sad smile. “I’m sorry.”
