Chapter 43
Emery
“Seriously?” I deadpan as I stare at the building down the road from where Darcy parked his car.
The mischievous glint in his eye ruins his attempt at a serious expression. “Well, I figured you must have really enjoyed it the last time you were here, since you spent two hundred and fifty dollars.”
I roll my eyes at him, heat burning my cheeks, but I refuse to back down. He totally deserved the overpriced bill for standing me up without a word. “You know why I did that.”
“And I’m proud of you for it. Never let anyone make you think you aren’t worth it. You are, Emery.” The twinkle is gone, and now his eyes match his face. “You’ll never know how sorry I am for not walking into that restaurant when you expected me to. Watching you walk in, knowing you were sitting in there, alone, surrounded by people, waiting for me, nearly fucking killed me.”
A slimy, gross feeling rolls through my body at the memory of the embarrassment from having been stood up. Of the waitress taking pity on me. But then my brain catches up to what he said. “You watched me walk into the restaurant?”
His expression turns sheepish, and he glances at the opposite side of the street from the Thai Orchid. “Yeah, I was parked over there. Sat here the entire time. I was so fucking proud of you when the charge came through on my credit card. And then you strolled out, carrying all that food, and I knew, right then, that no matter how the situation played out with work, I was going to make sure that we ended up together.”
My insides have no idea how to handle everything he is saying. They are spinning, twisting, stabbing, melting, freezing. Everything. I’m hot and cold at the same time and have to bite my tongue so I don’t demand answers to questions that have burned within me for fucking weeks.
But I start to lose the battle to the fiery anger filling my chest.
He sat here while I was being humiliated.
He sat here, feeling proud of me, while I was feeling shattered and alone.
He sat here, knowing he was going to ignore me for weeks, but never thought clueing me in was a good idea?
The pain and anger burn so hotly inside of me that if I don’t cool down right now, I’m genuinely worried I might combust in his fancy-ass sports car.
I reach for the handle, shove the door open, get out, and slam it shut. Just before it closes, I hear his quiet, “Fuck.”
Darcy is out of the car and beside me on the sidewalk as I stomp toward the restaurant, fully prepared to spend way more than two hundred and fifty dollars this time.
“Emery, please.”
I spin around to face him, and Darcy has to pull up short before he runs into me. “You might have felt proud of me in that moment, Darcy, but you made me feel worthless. Like I wasn’t worth your time. You made me feel discardable. Like you could just throw me out with the trash. I will never forget that.”
My voice catches on thenever, but I refuse to let myself get overwhelmed by my emotions.
“And now you’ve brought me back here, for what, a do-over? Like you can sweep the last month under the rug and this pseudo-date will fix everything?”
He shakes his head, pain filling his eyes. “No, I know this won’t fix everything. I know that. I know that we, I, hurt you. I know that. We all do. We just want the chance to apologize, to make it up to you. That’s all we’re asking for.”
I rear back from here. “That’s allyou’reasking for? How about what I asked for? To be treated like a fucking adult. The four of you treated me like I was a goddamn child, playing with me like I was some sort of fucking toy. The four of you are supposed to be the grown-ass adults who can have grown-ass adult conversations. You kept me in the dark but snuck me enough pieces of light to keep my hopes up.”
Darcy reaches for me, his hands landing on my biceps, gaze full of remorse and pleading. “I know, I know we did a shit job of everything. We should have communicated better. We shouldhave let you know what the hell was going on. All we wanted was to pause everything until we knew what all the options were. We never meant to hurt you or get your hopes up. We thought we were doing the exact opposite of that.”
The laugh that escapes me is dark, and I feel myself spiraling as I shrug his hands off. “Well, you did. You wrecked me. And let me be perfectly clear, so we don’t have any miscommunication. If you have any hope of this situation fixing itself, of us all being together again, don’t. Like I said in the elevator and every single one of my actions have indicated since then, this thing between us is over.”
“Please don’t say that, princess,” he implores, voice ragged and shoulders hunched. “Let’s go and eat dinner, in silence. I know this is going to sound like I’m being condescending and that I’m belittling your feelings, but I think you are dropping. You have every right to feel the way you do, but I can’t let you walk away from our session today with little to no aftercare. I’m worried this is the start of a drop. Can we please go in, have a seat, drink some water, and sit in silence while we eat some food together? I won’t ask you for anything else, you have my word.”
I pause. Is he right? Am I dropping? Are my feelings amplified from the sort-of scene today?
Arms wrap around me, and I’m pulled into a solid, warm chest. “It’s okay. You’re okay. You are safe and you aren’t alone.”
I allow his arms to hold me against him, but I don’t raise my own. I’m not sure this is dropping, but I can’t be certain it’s not. Fuck. I wish I had more experience with all this shit.
After a few minutes of the one-sided hug, Darcy pulls back and looks down at me. “Are you ready to go in and eat? Or would you prefer that I take you back to campus?”
I heave in a lungful of air and then let it out noisily. My preference is to go home, alone, but if this is dropping, Ishouldn’t be on my own. One more hour of silent time with Darcy isn’t going to hurt me. “Eat.”
