“I just want to understand.”
I start to reply, but Darcy is on his way back, so I press my lips together. The smile on his face as he crouches in front of me again fades as he uncaps the bottle of water and offers it to me.
My feelings are totally written all over my face. There is no way they aren’t. I’m so fucking exhausted. My walls feel like they have been bulldozed. I don’t care if I’m an open book to him right now.
With my free hand, I reach out and take the bottle, my wrist twinging slightly as I accept the weight and raise it for a sip that I don’t need.
When I’m done, I hand it back and he takes it quietly, tightening the lid and placing it down by my feet.
Darcy steps out of view, and I know there is a silent conversation going on about me.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.
I don’t care.
Chapter 60
Emery
I thought I could do this, but I really, really can’t.
Every other session, as soon as the ropes have settled against my skin and I’ve allowed them to support me, my mind has slowly gone fluffy and time has done that weird thing where it feels like hours but it has only been minutes.
Not this time.
I’ve tried so hard to relax into it, but Hudson has been randomly stroking his thumb along the back of my hand beneath the ropes, sending shots of fire up my forearm, distracting me. And their conversation. It’s like they don’t care that I’m sitting right here.
A completely private conversation, effectively cutting me out like I’m the one that is the inanimate object—and not in the sexy way.
And fuck, they’ve been talking about anything and everything, giving me the smallest glimpse into their lives, a life I will never be a part of. Every piece of information I learn is like a nugget of gold I can hoard away to examine later when I’m alone.
They have this super cute get-together every Thursday night where they go on a four-way boy date for dinner, then go back to Derek’s place to play games. The winner of the current tournament they are playing is getting an all-expenses-paid trip to New York for New Year’s Eve. Apparently, Darcy is in the lead, which he seems fairly excited about.
Hudson’s lease is almost up on his car, and Derek has promised to go car shopping with him in a couple of weekends.
Xavier’s birthday, which is supposed to be a secret, is next month, and there are serious thoughts about getting him a puppy. But not like a manly boxer or something, but a cute little fluff ball of a thing. The mental imagery of my savage Hunter holding a tiny white, curly haired puppy in his big hands makes my chest ache.
Their conversation winds along so many different paths, I’m almost dizzy from everything they talk about. And the longer their conversation goes on, the more I desperately need to leave. Hearing all about their plans for the future is killing me.
Even though it’s only been maybe an hour, I’m done. I thought I could get through this, but that was operating under the assumption that there would be silence, just like every othertime. With all this chatter, I really don’t think that I can. My muscles are twitching and my insides are squirming, and I feel like I might pass out if I can’t take a breath of fresh air in the very immediate future.
The only thing making this somewhat bearable is that my arm has gone a little numb and I can’t really feel Hudson anymore. Except for his thumb. That, I can still feel.
Our forearms are tied together, and when I snuck a peek earlier, I spotted light and dark green diamonds that flow from our elbows to knuckles, creating a net that closes over our linked fingers, the excess rope dangling to the floor.
It’s beautiful, and I hope Darcy has captured it perfectly because I’m out of time.
“…the white tile—”
“Are we almost done?” I interrupt over the top of Hudson.
No one answers my question, and I assume it’s because they really did forget I was here. Chancing a quick look at Darcy, I try to keep my breathing even.
He stares back at me, sketch pad lowering to his lap. “Ah, I was hoping to spend a little more time on this position, then do a suspension.”
My head is shaking before I even realize I’m saying no. “I need to go.”
