Refocusing on my magic, I realise that it’s listening, it’s as responsive as it’s always been, but that I can’t call on a vision for this particular thing.
So I test out a theory. I ask my magic to show me a vision of how long it’s going to take us to get to the castle.
Sure enough, it works, and I’m given a brief flash of how long it’s going to take.
Unsurprisingly, the vision answers my question but also poses a question too. By my calculations, and from what Rast has said, we should be a couple of hours away by now, maybe three. The vision showed me that it’s going to be at least eight more, and that doesn’t make sense. It was around eight hours from Ignatius’ place, and we’ve been walking for hours by this point, so eight hours doesn’t make sense at all.
Maybe my visions are still behaving a bit odd.
It’s possible that whatever paused my visions when we crossed over is still messing with them.
But if that’s the case, then I can’t rely on anything that it showed me in the big vision either. Which would make the missing person make more sense, but would be especially concerning since we rely on my visions to guide us, and how am I supposed to know if something is real or whether it has been warped by whatever took my visions in the first place?
If it takes us eight hours or more to get to the castle, then I’ll know that the visions are accurate. Which admittedly would raise somequestions, but I would definitely feel more settled if I knew that I could rely on them as much as I always have been able to.
It was incredibly unsettling not to get them.
I fucking hated it.
More than I thought I would, actually. I have always struggled with my visions, but being with Farren and the others who accept me completely has allowed me to reconcile some of the bad feelings that I’ve felt towards them in the past and appreciate them for the help that they’ve given us.
They’ve saved our lives there’s no doubt about that.
“Are you okay?” Farren asks me, pulling me out of my thoughts.
I must have been deeper in thought than I thought I was because I have no idea how long she’s been walking next to me, and I’m usually always aware of where she is.
I reach out and take her hand. “I’m good. Are you? You used the ‘G’ word.”
She smirks, “Yeah, I am. Surprisingly. I think that Monty and Magnus being called back has actually given me the time that I needed in order to process some stuff.”
“Good. I’m glad it has,” I reply with relief.
“Are your visions back to normal now?” She asks.
“I’m not sure, but I’m conducting an experiment of sorts. I’ll let you know what they tell me,” I try to explain without giving away anything that I shouldn’t.
She smiles, “Okay.”
I frown slightly, lowering my voice, I say, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you straight away about my visions not happening. I was still getting vague feelings, just not the actual visions. I didn’t want to worry anyone, andwe’ve got so much going on already, and I didn’t want to add to it. If it went on for any longer, then I would have said something.”
She gives me a raised eyebrow look, “Would you?” She smiles softly, “It doesn’t bother me that you didn’t say anything. You don’t have to share everything, none of you do. That’s not sustainable or practical. I am worried that you didn’t tell us about it for another reason though.”
I freeze.
How the fuck did she know?
I haven’t even acknowledged the real reason I didn’t mention it to everyone to myself and yet here she is calling me on it.
“It doesn’t make sense. I’ll acknowledge that first. It doesn’t make sense because I have been isolated my whole life because people don’t trust me and don’t like my visions, but you guys are the opposite. I guess there may have been a part of me that thought that . . .” I trial off. It’s harder to admit this out loud than I thought that it would be. “That’s not right. What use am I to all of you if I don’t have my visions? That’s pretty much the only thing that I’ve got going for me. I wasn’t even supposed to be in Black Onyx Academy because I only have visions and I’m not supposed to be strong enough.”
“Right, first, you could be completely powerless, clumsy as hell, have no battle experience or training whatsoever, and I would still adore you and want you around all the time. Two, you are not just your visions. You are so much more powerful than you realise, your magic is so much more than just visions, and even if it weren’t, we would still want you around,” she replies fiercely.
I squeeze her hand. “Logically, I know that. I do. But the illogical and insecure side of me wasn’t listening, so I didn’t say anything.”
“You’re an idiot,” Loki says, coming up on my other side. “I know that you’re new to the group, at least technically speaking, but it doesn’t feel like it to me.”
“Or us,” Storm chimes in, showing that they’ve been listening.
