"Okay," Logan says, and I take a deep breath. "I'll pull over here so we can do this better."
He parks in front of a park, empty at this hour. A thin layer of snow covers the grass and the playground equipment, and suddenly I want to go over there and sit on a swing.
I open the car door, putting on my coat and gloves. The wind is cold, but not biting, nothing I wasn't used to. My boots make noise on the frozen grass, and I know by the sound that the two players are following me.
The swing set has three seats and I choose the middle one, running my hand over the seat to brush off the snow before finally sitting. Logan and Ethan copy me, taking my right and left, respectively. I take three steps back and then let go, loving the familiar feeling of swinging.
It's only when the back-and-forth loses momentum that I start to talk.
"I'll say what's going through my head first, and then it's your turn, okay?" I warn, and they both nod. "What we did was crazy... but it was also incredible," I confess, taking advantage of the darkness of the night outside to hide my cheeks heating up. "I've never felt so much at the same time and it really will stay in my memory forever, but... I don't want this incredible moment to ruin everything between us. I like living with you, spending time and laughing with you. I've even started to care about your damn games!"
That pulls a little laugh out of them, and I take the chance to catch my breath.
"But, above all, I don't want to be the reason your friendship gets ruined," I stress and glance from one to the other quickly. Logan is the one who seems most anxious. "I know the mess started with me. I insisted on continuing the casual sex thing with Ethan even after finding out Logan lived with you," I say, looking at the dark-haired guy now. He seems to want to protest, but I don't let him and continue. "And I let the flirting and the closeness between the three of us happen. At some point the whole thing was bound to explode, right? So... I think we have two options. One: pretend nothing happened and the three of us go back to being just friends and roommates."
"I don't like that one at all," Ethan complains, crossing his arms.
"Neither do I," the blond seconds, and I bite the inside of my cheek before letting out what I'd spent the whole day thinking about.
Actually, I first considered that we could pretend nothing happened and I'd just go back to sharing Ethan's bed. But, being 100 percent honest with myself, it didn't seem possible anymore. Logan had gone from a distant memory, half-erased by alcohol, to a very vivid one. There was no living under the same roof as him and pretending I didn't want to kiss him again, didn't want his hands on me, didn't want his body on top of mine.
I also couldn't keep pretending I didn't know he'd been looking at me for a while like he wanted to devour me. So going back to the way we were wouldn't be fair to him, much less to Ethan.
So there was only one other way.
"Or two: we agree to let things happen. The three of us together," I fire off, kicking a little pebble on the ground so I don't have to look at them while I wait for their reactions.
When almost a minute passes and no one says anything, I lift my eyes and meet Ethan's.
"My turn?"
"Please," I indicate, and he probes me for another moment.
"I won't deny that I felt jealous of this whole situation at first. But little by little... I can't really explain," he sighs and scratches his neck as he searches for the words. "I saw the looks between you two. The veiled desire and the curiosity sparking. And then little by little my jealousy turned into acceptance," he says, but it sounds more like doubt than a statement. "I don't know if that's exactly the word, but anyway, deep down I knew that at some point you two wouldn't resist anymore and that maybe... Maybe I wanted to be around when it happened."
I blink repeatedly at the revelation, trying to process the information.
"And last night was really incredible. So, if you two want to try the second option, I'm in. I have no idea how this is going to work, but I'm not ready to just let it go," the player finishes and holds out a hand to me. I return the gesture and let a hint of a smile form on my cheeks, half-frozen from the cold, when Ethan kisses my hand over the glove.
Why did he always have to be so sweet? It didn't help much with my resolve not to get attached to anyone else.
When he lets go, the two of us swivel the swing toward Logan, who's sporting a sideways smile.
"You two are so poetic after a threesome, my goodness," he mocks, sounding like the mischievous boy he always is, and I try to kick him, but he dodges in time. "Fine, fine! Look, last night was probably the best night of sex of my life, and I never disguised the fact that I was attracted to Charlie very well. At first it was more to provoke Ethan, I confess," he says, and Ethan flips him the middle finger. "But especially after she moved in, it kept getting harder. And after tasting..."
The shameless guy winks an eye at me and laughs quietly.
"I don't want to forget all of it. I want more. So if you two want to let this three-way fun happen, I'm in," he finishes, looking at me expectantly.
I bite my lower lip and feel my stomach churn in a mix of anxiety and excitement. I didn't think they'd actually agree. I thought the weird vibe would reign over the house until I found some other place to live.
"Okay... I kind of didn't plan this part," I confess, and the two of them laugh. I go back to pushing myself on the swing while I think. "I think we can set some rules, then."
"Seems fair." It's Ethan who states, also swinging slowly.
"Rule number one: we'd better not spell this out to anyone. I don't want the gossip reigning over my name again, and I don't have the patience for the judgments."
"Agreed," the blond player says, and Ethan nods too.
