Jace shook his head. “I can’t believe you’re still not sure about us.” He ran a hand through his hair looking like his heart was tearing in half.
“Of course I’m sure about us,” I said. “I’m just not sure how to handle the way the world is going to react to us and the impact it will have on Kaylee.”
Jace dropped his head in his hands before meeting my eyes, his usually vibrant green eyes filled with pain and desperation. “Olivia, I understand your fear, I really do. But everyone sitting around this table would do anything to make her life easier. If what you want is a traditional-looking family for her, I get it. We won’t all lose each other, because I will be the first one to walk away so Kaylee can have that with her parents. But Icannotgo back and forth on this. Either we’re in this and we get through our fears together, or we have to stop this before it goes any further. I love the fucking hell out of you both and if I am going to walkaway from this and shatter my own heart, I need to do that now. Not in a week, not in a month, and sure as fuck not in a year.”
“Jace.” Kayden grabbed his wrist, panic in his eyes.
“I need to go for a walk,” Jace said. “I’ll come back, but I need a minute.”
Kayden looked ready to scurry after him but my death grip on his hand and sweaty brow clearly made him unwilling to leave me.
“Jace, I’m sorry,” I said.
He bent down and cupped my face. “You never have to be sorry for your fears or concerns, Liv. I will always help you through them. But Ican’twonder if you’re going to walk away from this when you have them. I need to know that you’ll weather your fearswithus, not question if we’ll make it when people challenge us. Because they will challenge us, sweetheart. But Iknowwe can make it.” He kissed me and stood up.
Kayden grabbed his hand again, clearly unwilling to let him walk out the door. “Wait, let me go with you once Olivia feels better.” I’d never seen Kayden look as scared as he did in this moment and my chest ached knowing that I’d caused them both to feel this way. I wasn’t naïve enough to think we’d never argue, but I certainly never wanted to hurt them and my doubt in us, however fleeting, was hurting them.
Jace pulled his hand from Kayden’s and pulled him against his side to kiss the top of his head. “I love you and I promise I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
Kayden nodded and swallowed, lifting his eyes to me as Jace walked away.
Chapter Fifty-Two
Kayden
I turned to faceOlivia, the warmth from Jace’s lips still on my head. His walking away right now terrified me, but I trusted him. The fact that even in his own moment of fear he’d taken the time to stop and reassure me that he wasn’t leaving because he knew it would make me anxious provided all the strength I needed. We could do this. I knew we could do this, and I knew deep down Olivia did too.
I turned to Olivia. “Look, I know what it’s like to be overcome with panic, Olivia. I know your brain shuts down and the fears override the logic and sometimes your heart. I understand what just happened with you better than almost anyone. I also agree with, Jace. I need to know that every time one of us gets afraid, we have a conversation to fix the problem and it’s not a concern that someone’s going to walk away. I think that’s what you want too, right?”
“Yes,” she said, looking at her hands. “I’m sorry, I just panicked.”
“You’re scared,” I said. “Talk to me, Olivia. Let me help you.”
She sighed and took my hand, nodding. “First the thing with Martin, then seeing your dad’s reaction, the moms at school, and my aunt just made a comment when I went to the bathroom. Kaylee’s drawing is so pure and innocent. This is just her family now. But what am I going to say to her teachers? What if she gets picked on because of us? What if her friends’ parents don’t let her play with her when she’s older because of us?”
I sighed; I really hadn’t planned to get into this here. But I’d prepared for this moment. I’d known there would be a time when Olivia would worry about how our relationship would impact Kaylee. I’d thought about it too, and I knew Olivia would have even stronger concerns as her mother.
“This probably won’t surprise you, but I did a lot of research on this after the first night I met Kaylee. Kids of parents like us are going to face some stigma. For kids of same-sex parents and poly parents it’s pretty similar. But you know what’s unique about kids of poly parents?” I asked, taking her hand.
She shook her head, searching my face hopefully.
“They learn healthy communication skills at higher rates than other kids because strong communication is modeled for them all the time. Poly relationships require honest conversations, validating each other’s opinions and feelings, and respecting each other’s boundaries even more than two-person relationships. She’ll see us doing that. There’s also a substantial amount of research that suggests she’ll be a more emotionally intelligent adult than most because of the strength of self-awareness and awareness of others that she’ll see with us every day.”
Olivia sniffled and wiped her eyes.
“If you ask me, I think that’s pretty cool. So, yes, some of the people in her life might have a problem with how we live. But I’ve spent yearsof my life in the closet, Olivia, and I have no interest in going back there. Jace is so in love with us, the man would buy us our own private island if it meant keeping us happy and safe, but you know he wants the world to know about us too. I don’t want to hide how I feel about either of you because I never thought I’d find one person to love as much as I love each of you.”
“I’m sorry, Kayden,” she said.
“You don’t have to be sorry for thinking about Kaylee,” I said. “We all want to make this as easy as possible on her.”
“But I shouldn’t have said that I wasn’t sure we could work. I think I just broke Jace’s heart.”
I leaned forward and kissed her gently, holding her face in my hands. “Olivia, I will take on the entire fucking world for you and Kaylee. And Jace. Every damn day. And you know he will too. He left because he’s afraid too and the thing that has him scared right now is the thought of being left behind. You heard what he said. He’s willing to sacrifice his own heart for ours. There is a part of him that believes if the three of us don’t work, he’ll be the one left with no one. We both owe it to him to make sure that he knows that’s not an option for us.”
She nodded, another tear spilling down her cheek, and I swiped it away. “I really do believe in us. I don’t want to walk away. I promise that’s not on the table for me either.”
“Good, then we’re going to be okay, but we need to go find Jace.”
