And the rest, they could figure out together.
“Will I miss having one more person in my life I have to take care of?”
The words struck her like a slap across the face, and she took a step back, as though putting more space between them could lessen the impact.
“Takecareof?” Shock, hurt, embarrassment, anger—they were all swirling around her head and they all came out in her tone. “Sure, the night I arrived, I had to ask you to let me stay, and maybe I needed a kick in the ass to get off the couch at first, but I’ve never asked you totake careof me.”
“Maybe you haven’t technically asked, but you know I will. You knew from day one that I don’t let the people in my life down, and you just kept gravitating back to me.”
“I gravitated to you—as you so unflatteringly put it—because we lived in the same house. It was hard not to. But also because I liked you. I enjoyed your company, and I thought the feeling was mutual, but apparently not.”
Nick tried to catch her arm as she spun away from him, but she jerked away. “Lucy, wait. I didn’t—I’m sorry.”
No force on the planet could have made her turn back and face him as she processed that Nick Slater not only didn’t return the feelings she’d developed for him, but he thought she was just looking for somebody to take care of her—the way her mother looked for a man to take care of her.
She was nothing to him but a barnacle he was looking to scrape off.
It was a painful way to get an answer, but at least she had one.
* * *
Nick wanted to cry. He wanted to throw up, or kick a truck tire until he couldn’t move his leg anymore. He wanted to drop to the ground, screaming and kicking like a toddler throwing a tantrum. Instead, he just sat on his front steps, staring down his empty driveway.
He’d done the right thing.
Lucy would never ask him to go to Miami with her. She knew he would hate it there, so she wouldn’t put him in the position of having to choose. But he couldn’t ask her to stay because he couldn’t ask her to give up Miami.
He knew what it felt like to give up what he wanted in his life for love. The love of his mother and his brothers. They were his whole heart, and he’d never lied to them. He would still make the same choices, every time.
But he knew how it hurt. Resentment and loss were like the tiniest of splinters. Not enough to keep him from enjoying life, but there. And ready to catch on something with a zing of pain at times.
How long could Lucy pour beers or scoop ice cream before she remembered she could’ve been a hot mixologist in a hot city? He did not want to see that regret in her eyes. He loved her too much to ask her to give it up. But he was afraid she might love him enough to do it anyway.
So he’d taken the choice off the table.
She would cry a little. She’d get angry. And she’d probably hate him for a long time. But she’d go to Miami and start her business, and eventually she’d be happier than she would have been with him.
That was what he had to believe.
Nick sat for a long time, trying to will his broken heart back together enough so he could go in the house and pretend he was just fine. But eventually he forced himself to get up, because if there was one thing he’d learned about grief, it was that the world didn’t stop for it.
When he reached for the door, he saw it. His favorite hoodie, folded and set on the other chair where Lucy had left it.
He picked it up and buried his face in the fabric, hoping to breathe in the scent of her vanilla bodywash and the cream she used in her hair to fight the frizz. He wanted to inhale the scent ofLucy.
It smelled like laundry detergent.
When he went inside, his brothers were still in the backyard. He could hear their voices and their laughter, and he knew they were expecting him to come back. But he couldn’t do it. Right now, with Lucy gone and his sweatshirt in his hand, there was no way he could pretend he wasn’t falling apart inside.
Instead, he went upstairs and closed the door. Then, still fully clothed, he curled up on his bed, the hoodie in his arms, and hated himself.
Chapter Twenty-Two
We recently received a generous grant from a Maine author earmarked for growing our collection of popular genre fiction. Romance, mystery, horror, science fiction, fantasy! We’re taking suggestions, so let us know what you want to be reading during the cold months to come!
First comment: [deleted]
Second comment: We don’t ban books in Wayward Harbor, Colleen.
