My throat felt tight, and tears pricked behind my eyes. I stared at the two men that meant everything to me, knowing I’d never feel their hands on me again. Knowing that giving in to my desire had come with a steep price.
But the most important thing I knew was that they had a sparkling future awaiting them, and sooner or later, they would forget about me.
I turned on my heel and left through the front door.
Ten minutes later, and their messages started blowing up my phone.
“Where are you going?”
“Come back. We don’t need to talk about it anymore tonight”.
“Molly, seriously. Where are you? Please tell me you’re not going back to your apartment.”
“I’m staying at a friend’s place for the night,”I responded, not wanting them to worry. It was time for me to take Piper up on her open invitation. My sister and her guys were flying in late this evening, and I needed to ask if I could stay with them for a while, no matter how uncomfortable it made me feel asking for a favor. With the promotion coming, I wouldn’t have to infringe on their hospitality for too long. I’d begin looking for a new apartment as soon as I could.
Piper greeted me on the doorstep of her four-story walk up. As soon as she saw my face, she pulled me into a tight hug. “Let’s get you inside. I’ll make you some tea, and you can tell me what happened.”
I did. I told her everything. How I ended up living with the guys after Cory assaulted me. How they took care of me and snuck into my heart and mind. How we agreed on being with each other.
When I was finished, tears shone in her eyes. We were sitting on her floor, our hot mugs in our hands.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about Cory,” she said, wiping her cheeks with a tissue. “I’m horrified, Mol. I should have dragged you out of that place a long time ago.”
“It was horrible,” I admitted. “And I blamed myself for staying there for as long as I did. I know it wasn’t my fault he decided to attack me, but at the same time, I could have been more cautious.”
“Fucking ridiculous that this is what it comes down to for so many women living alone.” She sniffed. “I’m so glad Mason and Kaz made you feel safe again.”
“They did. They made me feel so many things.” Now I was on the verge of tears. “I feel horrible. Like my heart has been ripped out of my chest. But I just can’t see it working between us. Our relationship was already unconventional, and now with the added complications…” I sighed. “I don’t know.”
Piper leaned back against the couch. “Are you sure Trinity wouldn’t allow you to join them?”
I let out a sad laugh. “She already has plans for me, and you know how she is about sticking to her plans. I’d have to tell her why they want me on tour with them this badly. She’d see right through any other excuses. You think she’ll react positively to knowing I’m fucking both of her new stars? She will fire me.”
I was sure of that. My boss had no patience for unnecessary complications.
“And what about taking a job with Errol? They might be able to make him offer you one.”
“I just got this promotion. I can’t start over again. And what if we break up while they’re somewhere in the middle of Europe? I’d be locked into spending the rest of the tour with them. It’s a bad position for me. No matter how much I miss them right now, I have to stick to the decision that’s smart for me.”
“God, this sucks.”
“I know.”
“You’re not even in the mood to celebrate your big achievement, are you? You’ve worked so fucking hard to get senior assistant.” She sipped on her tea and shook her head.
I looked down at the floor. “No, I’m not in the mood. You know, I thought I’d be over the moon. But when she told me I got it, I felt…nothing. I was just numb. All I could think about was that I was going to have to break up with the guys.”
Piper pierced me with an inquisitive gaze. “You sure you want the position?”
It was the million-dollar question, one I’d been going back and forth on ever since I got to play photographer for Mason and Kaz. Did I want to keep going down this path? It was possible, maybe even likely, that with Trinity’s support, I’d get a junior manager position within two or three years. After that, I could keep working my way up. I was confident I could do it. It was just a matter of putting in the work, right? And I’ve always been a hard worker.
But the wild thing wouldn’t leave me at peace. I stuffed her back into her cage, but she was pacing it angrily, every step loud inside my chest.
What is wrong with you?she demanded.Are you really this scared? People spend a lifetime trying to find their passion, and here you are, knowing full well what you want to do, but you’re too much of a coward to give it a try.
Leave. Me. Alone.
“I think it’s a really good opportunity,” I said slowly.
