He studied my face before letting out a breath. “That’s great, Ivy. But can we talk about it later?”
“Why?”
“Because today is a big day, and I need to keep my head on straight.”
I bit on my nail. “Fox texted you. I saw what he wrote.”
Jamie frowned and picked up the phone, his eyes scanning the screen for the message.
“I just—” I struggled to find the right words. “Look, I know there is a lot I don’t know, but you’re not planning on…hurting him, are you? The text made it sound like you’re out to get him or something.”
Slowly, he lifted his gaze back to me. “And what if I was?”
“The band broke up years ago,” I said, shaking my head. “What could he possibly have done to make you hate him so much?”
He blinked. “Are you worried for him?”
I couldn’t answer. I didn’t know what I felt. Worry? Affection? Indifference? Not indifference. There was still something inside of me that beat for Oliver, however weak its pulse had become.
Jamie sniffed, and looked down at the ground. “I’m not going to physically hurt him, if that’s what you’re worried about. Ivy, I don’t want to rush this conversation, and fifteen minutes isn’t nearly enough time to explain everything. I promise, we’ll talk about everything when I come home.”
“Okay,” I whispered.
Jamie got dressed, and I followed him into the hall, watching as he pulled his shoes on. He wore a suit. It was the first time I’d seen him in one, and it did lessen some of the unease swirling inside my gut. At least he didn’t look like he was about to beat the crap out of his old bandmate.
“Come by after your classes are done, okay?” he asked, one hand already on the handle of the door. “We really do need to talk.”
“I’ll be here,” I told him.
He gave me a small, tense smile and stepped outside.
Hours later, I was still at Jamie’s house. The clock ticked by while I sat at the kitchen island and missed every single one of my classes. It was as if a cold fog had invaded my brain, leaving me numb and confused.
I felt guilty, but for what? Should I have pushed Jamie to tell me his plans? Was it my moral obligation to warn Oliver about what was coming? But I didn’t know anything. Even if I wanted to say something to him, what would I say? Hey, I’ve been sleeping with your former best friend, and I don’t love you anymore, but I still care about you in some weird way and want to warn you about a plan I don’t understand? Just thinking about it made me sound insane.
Still, I kept pulling up my text message chain with Oliver. I drafted about a dozen different things before erasing them. Did I really think Jamie could do something terrible to him? I knew Jamie by now, didn’t I? I’d spent far more time in his company than in Oliver’s. He’d made terrible mistakes in his past, but he was a different man now.
“I love being ridiculous with you.”
My heart had nearly seized when he said the first two words. In the span of the millisecond it took him to say the third, my brain had managed to drum up about a dozen scenarios. What would I say in response? Could I tell him that I loved him? For the past two years, I’d thought I knew what love was. It was desperate, needy, and came with a steady dose of pain. But there was no pain with Jamie, other than the pain I’d been inflicting on myself.
I pressed the heels of my palms into my eye sockets. We had to talk everything out when he got back. I drifted over to the sofa and closed my eyes for a second.
* * *
Buzz.Buzz. Buzz.
My eyes snapped open. The clock said it was past six pm, which explained the grogginess I felt as I sat up. I’d napped for over two hours.
Turning my attention to the device that had woken me, I put in my passcode.
One unread message from Oliver.
My heart rate shot up. I tapped on the notification, swallowed past the dryness in my throat, and pulled up his message.
“I’m in LA and thinking of you. Tell me where you are, and I’ll pick you up later tonight.”
I had to read the words three times before I was sure my brain had registered their meaning correctly. My hand lifted to cover my mouth. How could this be happening? I’d waited for a message like this for years, dreamt of it during many lonely nights, but it had never come. And now, when my vigil was finally over—
