“What?” I asked, craning my neck to get a better view of the area behind a row of benches we were passing. “Next week for what?”
He was silent for a second too long. “You know…” he said at last. “For us to finally go all the way. What are you looking for?”
I forced myself to focus my attention back on him for a moment. “No, next week doesn’t work. I said I’m ready. I want to do it right now. Help me find a spot where no one can see us too easily.”
His eyes grew. “You want to have sexhere? You can’t be serious.”
I frowned. “What’s the problem?”
“Where do I even start?” His voice was incredulous. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing.”
His gaze flickered over my shoulder as his expression grew grim. “Ivy, this is insane. This is a public garden. Why don’t we wait just a few more days and do it somewhere comfortable? And private.”
“I just want to get it over with,” I said through clenched teeth. “I’m twenty and a goddamn virgin, Jack. I’m sick of it!”
Jack’s face fell. He extracted his hand from mine and took a step back.
“Wow. You sure know how to make a guy feel wanted,” he said in a quiet voice.
“Oh for God’s sake,” I growled and crossed the distance between us to pull him down for a kiss. Why was he being so needy? Did he want me to get him some flowers and chocolate so that he deflowered me?
My lips crashed against his, and I wasted no time seeking entry with my tongue. His mouth parted and he started to kiss me back, but within a few seconds, he was pulling away.
“Stop,” he said, wiping my lipgloss that had smudged across his lips with the back of his hand. Something about that gesture seemed uncharacteristically cold.
“Why?” I demanded, feeling anger rise up inside me.
“Because I’m a fucking person!” The words burst out of him, freezing me in place. Since I’ve known him, I’ve never seen Jack upset, and the fact that I was the one making him feel this way snapped something in me.
“So am I! I thought you wanted this.” My hands were curled into fists at my sides. Why the hell was it so hot? For a moment, I felt like the heat in this city would never end.
“Not like this,” he said, shaking his head. “I’m not going to have sex with you here, Ivy. I don’t know what’s going on with you, but we’re not doing anything until you get your head back on straight.”
I needed to get out of this heat. Drops of sweat were rolling down my back, and I wanted to tear my tank top off and scream at every cheerful freshman sitting on the benches around the park. How could they possibly stand this nightmare?
“Fine,” I wheezed, my breath getting stuck at the top of my throat. “Whatever, Jack. If you won’t do it, I’ll find someone else who will.”
He pursed his lips and looked away. “Okay, Ivy. I’m going to go now.” Without looking at me again, he turned and began to walk away.
“Bye, Jack!” I yelled, furious. Some of the wretched freshmen lifted their faces from their phones and glanced over at me, probably curious about the sweaty, yelling girl. I scowled at each one until they turned away, and by the time I was done, Jack was long gone.
* * *
I satin the shade of a tree with my head between my knees until I felt I could breathe again. What the hell was that? It felt like I’d had a mini-panic attack, but I’d only ever gotten those when I was claustrophobic.
Maybe I’m feeling a different kind of claustrophobia?
The need to go through with my plan was pressing down on me. I just wanted to stop feeling likethis,once and for all.
Dragging myself toward the apartment building, I contemplated texting Zoey, but I didn’t want to pull her away from her studies for the second day in a row. I was done with pissing people off for the day.
When I got to our floor, a shout from an apartment a few doors from ours snapped me out of my thoughts.
I picked up on the muffled words. “Fuck you! Get the hell out of here and don’t come back, you hear me?”
A door swung open and out of it appeared a tattooed man who looked to be in his twenties. His skinny chest was bare and his T-shirt was bundled in his hands. He swore under his breath when he saw me, then he brushed past me and started down the stairs. A girl with pink hair ran after him, yelling, “I don’t ever want to see you again!”
