“For the past two years, I didn’t try to change the things that bothered me, because it all seemed pointless. It was like he’d made me lose faith in my own autonomy. He held all the power. I can’t believe I thought a guy who forced his dick down my throat was the only one who could fix me.”
Jamie’s nostrils flared. “Hewhat?” There was a murderous glint in his eyes, and his fingers dug into the sheets.
“It was the furthest I went with him,” I said quietly. “He was forceful and aggressive. At the time, I convinced myself it was fine, that I was just inexperienced and too sensitive, but now I know it was another red flag I ignored. He didn’t care about me. He was using me all along.”
Jamie’s hand landed on my knee. “I would have knocked his teeth out today if I’d known he’d done that to you,” he growled.
I rubbed my biceps. “He’s not worth it. I hope that after today, we never have to talk about him again. He doesn’t deserve another second of our time.”
Jamie’s eyes still swam with anger, but he nodded. “With the legal case resolved, it’s all over.”
“How did you win it?”
He squeezed my knee. “When I got into rehab, I called Oliver and told him I was quitting the band. He said I couldn’t, or I’d never see any royalties on our music again. I hired a lawyer to read over my contract, and that’s when he told me that it listed Oliver as the principal songwriter. He got eighty percent of all our royalties over the years, while I only got twenty. When I quit the band, his father’s record label threatened to illegally withhold any future royalties on top of that.
“I was so furious. He got me addicted, stole years of my life, and also took the money I’d earned from my songs. So I hired an entire team of lawyers to represent me and swore I’d get every single penny back. It took us some time to build a case, but I had a secret weapon that Oliver didn’t know about. I recorded most of the songs I wrote on my phone during the songwriting process. Whenever I was composing at home, I’d have my phone out so that I could play it back to myself. I kept all those recordings on the cloud, and I used them and the timestamps to prove I was the one who wrote the songs. You should have seen his expression when the jury ruled in my favor. He couldn’t believe I’d outsmarted him.”
The frown on Jamie’s face melted away. “Do you see now, Ivy? He manipulated me just like he manipulated you. He may have won many battles, but he didn’t win the war. I did. And I know you can, too.”
I began to cry again, feeling raw and overwhelmed. Jamie rearranged his legs and tugged me to him, wrapping his strong arms around me. My fingers tangled with the fabric of his T-shirt, and I held on to it while I sobbed into his chest.
“I hate myself,” I blubbered. “Hate how wrong I was about you. I thought I had to be careful not to get too attached to you so quickly. I didn’t want a repeat of what I went through with Oliver. Since we started seeing each other, I’ve noticed changes in myself, positive changes that make me happy, but I kept worrying that it would all go away if we broke up. I kept comparing you to him, as if you were the same.”
Jamie sighed into my hair. “It makes sense that you’d be cautious. Don’t be so hard on yourself. But for what it’s worth, you’ve been changing me for longer than you know, and those changes have stuck.”
“What do you mean?”
“It was you who made me decide to finally get clean, Ivy. That very first kiss snapped something in me. I saw the nightmare my life had become, and I wanted to fix it. It took a while for me to find the courage, and I had to wait for the right opportunity, but the kiss was the catalyst.”
A tiny bit of the shame inside my chest became dislodged and disintegrated. “Really?”
He nudged my chin up. “Yeah.”
It was good to know that I’d helped Jamie, but I still felt broken. “I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself for being so naive.”
He moved his face closer to mine. “I’ve spent the past two years trying to forgive myself, and I know how fucking hard it is at times. But it’s a battle worth fighting, because otherwise, we let him win. And he can’t win when it comes to you. I won’t allow it.”
“It’s not your battle to fight,” I rasped.
“Don’t you understand?” he asked, his handsome face inches away from mine. “Your battles became my own when I fell in love with you.”
My lips parted, and my pulse began to race. Seeing the earnest expression on Jamie’s face made hope surge inside my chest. The past few weeks flashed behind my eyes—images of us sprawled on the grass in his backyard, cooking together in his kitchen, laughing at some stupid comedy on TV. Memories of his lips pressed against mine, his hands caressing every part of me, his smiles and his laughs. All those moments added up to something greater than the individual parts. They added up to two people falling in love.
He swallowed. “I was attracted to you from the moment we met, but I think it was during that walk on the beach that I started to realize it was more than that. I looked at you, and something just felt so right. On the drive home, I was the happiest I’d felt in years. Despite knowing I would probably not see you again, the connection between us prickled at the back of my head for days after. And then you texted about the club, and I told myself it meant nothing, that I deserved nothing. But you made it clear you were interested in me. Every time I saw you, I felt the connection between us grow stronger. On the drive to the dinner with Fox, I knew. I knew that I loved you.
“There were so many things unsaid between us, so many dark corners we hadn’t explored, but I knew we would one day. I knew I had to fight for you. I don’t care about what happened in your past and I don’t care about the mistakes you made even after we were already together. All I care about is being with you. Right here. Right now.”
My bottom lip trembled as fear and shame receded at last and made space for something else. He’d discovered he was in love with me on that drive, and I? Right in this very moment. With all of our past wounds and secrets out on display, with full understanding of who each of us was. We were an imperfect work in progress but the potential for something beautiful was there all along. As I gazed into Jamie’s gray eyes, I thought I saw flashes of all his old self within. The insecure teenager, the passionate musician, the struggling addict, and finally, the man he was today. The man I loved.
“I love you,” I said, snaking my hands around his neck and tugging him closer. He tipped his forehead forward, but his eyes remained fixed on me. “You are so kind, so damngood. I want to be with you, Jamie. I want that with my entire being.”
He pushed his fingers into my hair. “I don’t think there are words to describe how happy that makes me.”
“Then don’t use words,” I whispered against his lips.
He pressed his mouth against mine, and I whimpered as the lingering tension around us finally released. Jamie didn’t break the kiss as he lowered me down on the bed and covered my body with his.
His weight was exquisitely heavy, but my conscience was light. It was just the two of us now, bare of secrets, lies, and old ghosts. I dragged my hands down his back before I dipped them under his shirt, needing to feel his skin against mine. He moved his lips to the side of my neck and let out a rumbling groan when I dug my fingers into his back.
