“You still going to Harrows Street?”
“Yeah,” I responded. I wanted to crawl into my bed and not wake up for a week or two. Maybe sleep would stop my brain from replaying Abel’s words over and over.
It was hard for me to reconcile what had just happened with the fact that just this morning I’d been ready to join their band. It felt like emotional whiplash.
Really, it was a blessing that Abel had spoken up when he did. He hadn’t said anything that was untrue, which is why it hurt so fucking bad. It was like he’d X-rayed my head and pulled out the deepest fears I kept inside. From my inexperience, to my tightly controlled nervousness onstage, to the relationship that I was still only getting comfortable with… He’d covered all the bases and landed a home run.
I bid the driver goodbye, opened the car, and trudged into my empty house. The air smelled stale, like nobody had been there in a while, even though I had aired it out before I left yesterday’s morning. It was like the house was trying to tell me that it needed more than one person taking up its space.
The thought and the accompanying loneliness led me to collapse onto my unmade bed. I reached for my phone to send one concise message to Ezra, refusing to read what they’d already sent.
“Don’t come to see me at my house. Please.”
I didn’t want to talk about what had happened or hear their inevitable excuses for Abel’s words. I’d made the mistake I had promised myself I’d never make again. I’d allowed myself to believe in something that was never meant to come true.
When I woke up, it was four am on Saturday. It wasn’t the week-long rest I had hoped for, but even fifteen hours of sleep could still do wonders for the soul.
I made coffee and got dressed for the gym, which opened at five am. There was no point in moping. My lucrative contract with Bleeding Moonlight was officially over, and I had to get back to my original plan of looking for a job that would allow me to support Molly and I.
The front-desk attendant saw me park through the glass doors and got up to let me inside.
“Haven’t seen you as often in these past few weeks,” he noted. “Staying busy?”
I plastered on a smile. “I was. But I’ll be around a lot more going forward.”
Just like I used to before Bleeding Moonlight barreled into my life and messed with my head.
My lifts weren’t as good as before, but I pushed myself hard for an hour and a half before doing a quick fifteen-minute stretch and driving back home. The post workout endorphins made ignoring my occasionally buzzing phone a little easier.
Turning into my neighborhood, my heart sped up at the sight of a Jeep, but it drove through the intersection before I could make out the driver. I tightened my hands on the wheel, angry at myself for thinking of Ezra, and even more frustrated with how my heart leapt when I thought it might be him.
When I pulled into the driveway, I noticed a dark silhouette by the door. I’d realized it was my guitar as I came closer. I hadn’t even noticed that I’d left it at the studio in my desperate rush to leave.
Had Ezra really come here at half past six in the morning? Maybe this was his way of honoring my request for not coming to see me, while at the same time trying to reach out.
I shook my head. It didn’t matter. Abel was right. I wasn’t good enough to join the band. And I couldn’t tag along like a groupie after having experienced the magic of making music with them. Abel was done with me, and the rest would move on soon enough.
It was seven am sharp when our home phone rang. I rushed to pick it up, since no one ever called here, and my first thought was that something might have happened to Molly at college. My relief was palpable when it was my sister’s own voice on the other end of the line.
“Hey! I’m just calling to make sure you’re still alive. Thanks for ignoring my messages.”
I sat down on the couch. “I’m fine. You scared the shit out of me calling here. I thought something had happened.”
“Yes, I had to resort to antiquated technology. That’s what happens when you ignore five calls and ten messages,” she retorted.
I sighed, rubbing my face. “I’m sorry. It’s just…something happened, and I didn’t want to talk to anybody.”
“Oh, I know all about your disastrous last session.”
My eyes widened. “What? How?”
“The guys called and told me about what happened with Abel. And they told me they asked you to join the band. Congrats, by the way. They wanted me to try and talk some sense into you.”
I scoffed. “No need to worry about that. Actually, everything is finally making a ton of sense.”
I could practically feel her eye roll.
“Ade, don’t be a fool.”
