“Very responsible.” His dad nods approvingly. “Do you work there over the summer too?”
My gut drops as I’m reminded once again that this thing between Will and me will be over so soon. I force myself to hold a pleasant expression as I respond. “No, I actually go back to my hometown about an hour from here so that I can work at a popular summer restaurant. With the tips I end up making more than I would staying here.”
His mom frowns as though my answer disappointed her. “Do you get any time off? Will usually spends the summer with us, helping out with the lacrosse camps at the school he used to go to. It’s so nice having him there, it feels so empty with just the two of us. We’d love to have you visit as well. Our home is right on the water, it’s very peaceful, and it sounds like you could use a break.”
I have to bite back the laugh that’s threatening to escape my throat. Visit them? As if. And why was his mom looking at me when she said that? Josie is here too. I guess because I made thecomment about working. I’m sure she meant both of us. She seems just as nice as Will, and he probably invites his whole team to visit. It doesn’t mean anything.
Even if Will wanted me to come—likely because that would be such an easy fuck for him—visiting his wealthy family’s house on the water, staying with his lovely parents, that all sounds like something a boyfriend would do.
And as much as I might love to do it too, I am not Will’s boyfriend.
No matter how much I wish I could be.
I need to stay strong and maintain the very few walls I’ve put up to attempt any healthy distance between us.
Even if those walls feel more like sheer curtains right now, they are still there, damn it. I will not let another straight guy get my hopes up for a future that will never happen.
38
WILL
“He’s lovely,” my mom says after we finish eating.
“He’s the best, it’s why we clicked so fast,” I tell her honestly. After my parents insisted on paying for dinner, Josie asked Porter if he would help her take a picture in front of the sunset while we waited for the check. She assured us they’ll wait for us outside. I know Josie just wanted to talk to Porter, but it’s nice to have a moment to talk to my parents about him too.
“Well, then, why aren’t you dating?” my dad questions.
I let out a nervous laugh. “You guys know I’ve never dated anyone before. I don’t know the first thing about it.”
“Do you enjoy spending time with him when the two of you are alone?” Mom asks.
“Of course.”
“Do you feel happier when he’s around?” Dad adds.
“Do you show up for him when he needs you? Take him out? Do thoughtful things for him, like, say, buying him flowers?” Mom piles on, knowing the answer because I sent her a picture before I showed up at his door with them.
My dad smirks. “Based on how often you’ve brought him upin conversation with us recently, is it safe to say you think about him a lot? You obviously care about him.”
“Well… yes to all of that, I guess,” I confirm, mind racing as the worddatingrepeats over and over in my mind.
“Well, Pumpkin, it sounds to me like you’re treating him like your boyfriend already without the title.”
What the fuck? That can’t be true.
I would know if I was acting like Porter was my boyfriend.
Right?
Fuck. Have I been doing that?
My teammates with girlfriends make it seem like so much work. I’ve always avoided even the idea of a relationship because I thought it would mean being tied down and held back. But being with Porter has never been hard. The most difficult part has been trying to spend as much time with him as I’d like, but whenever we’re together it’s easy. He always makes my day better. It might be cheesy, but just being friends with him has made me think about life in ways that I never had before.
You obviously care about him.I consider my dad’s statement. He’s right, I do care about Porter. I care about all my friends. But… it’s not the same. Porter has quickly become the most important person in my life; the one I want to spend all of my free time with; the first person I want to talk to every day; the one I want to text when something good happens. All that was true before we ever hooked up.
Fuck, have I liked him as more than a friend this whole time? Even that word doesn’t feel like a strong enough descriptor for how I feel about him…So dating? Boyfriends? Would he even want to date me? And would dating change things between us? I’ve never been in a relationship, what if I messed something up and disappointed him?
Orwhat if it’s amazing?What if I could stop worrying about when the next time I’d see him would be? What if we just assumed we’d do things together? What if we lived together?
