“No,” I say quickly, shaking my head. “You should go. That’s… important. I’m not going to make you miss that. Besides, we’ll have the rest of the week, right? We’ll just leave a night early?”
Her shoulders drop a little, relief flashing across her face before guilt rushes back in to replace it. “Yes, of course I’ll still be with you for the majority of the trip, I promise. Maybe you can ask Abbey if she wants to join us or even to meet you there on Saturday morning for the last night?”
“Yeah,” I mutter, thinking about the only person I actuallywantto invite. “I don’t want to be alone up there, and I don’t love the idea of leaving early when I know you booked this for me. I’ll figure it out, but you should tell Carrie yes.”
She bites her lip and nods. “As long as you’re sure…”
“Yeah, I am.”
She jumps out of her chair to wrap her arms around me in a hug. “Thanks, P. I’ll go get our next round as a thank you!” I nod, even though she almost always buys our drinks, and as she pulls away, I can’t help but groan again, effectively stopping her. “What is it?”
“How bad is it that the only person I really want to invite is Will?” I admit.
She shrugs. “I won’t stop you. It’s your birthday trip. You can invite anyone you want.”
Well, shit.
Lusting after someone who isn’t available will apparently forever be my downfall. But I also don’t want to sit alone in a lake house with my thoughts and a bottle of wine. That sounds way more depressing, and I’m sure I’d end up drunk texting Willand self-sabotage our friendship over fear he’ll eventually hurt me.
I obviously don’t want to do that.
Realistically, I’d love Will to be there, even if I am scared I’m going to ruin everything because I couldn’t avoid catching feelings for him.
But none of that is changing tonight, and Will is a way nicer guy than Robbie ever was. Maybe I don’t need to be so worried about protecting myself that I avoid having any fun.
At least I hope I don’t because he’s on his way.
Fuck.
20
WILL
Ihave no idea what Girls, Gays, and Theys Night consists of, but Porter wants me to join him, so I’m here. Didn’t even hesitate.
I’ve been turning my sexuality over in my head a lot since the porn. I know I’m not gay because I am definitely attracted to women. But lately, I’ve been wondering if attraction is more of a spectrum than I’d previously thought. I’ve been doing some “am I too old to have a bi-awakening” and “how to know if I’m attracted to men” searches online. I found the Kinsey scale, and I’ve been wondering where I might fall on it.
When I think about my teammates, I’m certain I’m not attracted to any of them. Maybe it’s because of how well I know them, or maybe it’s because they’re built so similarly to me. But when I consider Porter, that’s where things are a little less clear. Objectively, I think he is an attractive person, especially if you find disheveled blonds with an attitude attractive. So maybe thinking that is enough to land me somewhere more in the middle of the scale.
As I walk into the bar, scanning the crowd for Porter, it’s obvious there are a lot of other guys that don’t have that athleticbuild I’ve spent my entire life around. Could I be into any of them? So far none of them are getting my dick going. But I’m also not immediately hard when I look at an attractive woman.
Fuck, this is confusing.
I finally see Porter at a crowded table with Josie, Abbey, and a few other people I recognize. Thankfully, it hasn’t been weird at all with Abbey being such good friends with Porter. Especially since she still seems coupled up with the guy from Porter’s birthday.
Porter is in a bright cropped shirt with tight black ripped jeans that really show off his slim frame and highlight the difference in our builds.
The memory of the first time I watched the threesome video and ended up coming while his selfie was pulled up on my phone comes to mind… again. I still don’t know how to feel about it. It’s not like I intended to jerk off to a picture of him, even if it kind of ended that way. I refuse to do anything that could fuck up our friendship though, so I will continue on like I’m not wondering what he looks like naked.
I head to the bar first and get two tequila shots before finally approaching Porter. There are a lot of empty shot glasses at their table, and I wonder when they got here. Porter doesn’t see me coming, so I place both shots on the table without him noticing and wrap my arm around his waist to surprise him.
“Hey, P,” I say into his ear, going for a lighthearted surprise, but he turns in my arms, and my hand shifts from his hip to the middle of his back, touching the bare skin under his crop top. The exchange suddenly feels far less innocent than I intended. I smile through the tension I’m suddenly feeling as our eyes meet, and I realize his gaze is a little out of focus like the alcohol is catching up to him.
He picks up the two shots I just set on the table and clinks his with mine before swallowing it without hesitation, and I do the same.
“Hi,” he finally greets me with a warm smile.
“Hi.” I smile back. “Thanks for inviting me. I was worried I wouldn’t see you much before our trips.”
