“Oh shit, this is comfy.” He shimmies deeper into the mattress, and I’m really happy I spent money I didn’t have for a mattress topper. Absolutely worth it. Every single cent.
“Yeah, it is.” I hesitate for just a second, then climb onto the other side of the queen bed, trying to consciously keep a decentamount of space between us. I want him to feel comfortable even though it seems like nothing will make him feel weird.
I turn on the streaming service I’m logged into under Josie’s account. “Any strong movie opinions I should know about?”
“Nah, I’d say I’m pretty easy to please.”
“Perfect.” I scroll through a few movies, but stick with a classic I’ve seen, and I’m sure he’s probably seen before too.
He grins beside me. “I knew I trusted you.”
“Good,” I reply, hitting play. “Because if you hated this movie, I’d definitely have to judge you.”
“I’d expect nothing less from you.”
I smile to myself as I settle in more. Will is leaning against the headboard, so I grab my blanket to get underneath it, intending to add a barrier between us. Except he takes that as an invitation to join me under the covers. Our legs touch through our sweatpants, but he doesn’t pull away.
“This really doesn’t feel like a big deal to you?” I ask, half joking yet half testing the situation. I shouldn’t be playing with fire, but unfortunately, I can’t help myself. After how badly things blew up with Robbie, I almost wonder if I might be trying to self-destruct this friendship before I can let myself get in too deep.
He glances over at me. “What doesn’t?”
“Being here. In my room. On my bed with me. A gay man.”
“Oh,” he acknowledges as it clicks, then shrugs. “No, why would it?”
I laugh softly because of course the only person in this room who’s overthinking is me. “No reason.”
“Porter,” he starts seriously, looking right at me. “If I was uncomfortable, I’d let you know. But I feel completely comfortable around you. And if you felt uncomfortable, I’d hope you’d feel safe enough to tell me.”
“Yeah, I do.” I nod, staring at the screen even though I’ve stopped paying attention to whatever’s happening. This is why Ipicked a movie I’d assumed we’d both seen, just in case we were distracted.
Will shifts beside me, stretching his legs out a little more, his shoulder brushing mine. It’s such a small thing, but I’m hyperaware of every small movement between us.
It’s annoying that my mind is spinning over this because I’m usually very good at not doing that. I know who I am. I know what I want. I learned from my mistakes… or so I thought.
This shouldn’t be throwing me, and yet it is.
Will is just different.
He’s not awkward about being here, not weird about being on my bed under the covers with me, not performing or acting like proximity to me is a threat. Because if he were uncomfortable, or stiff, or overly careful, I could roll my eyes and mentally downgrade him… and we probably wouldn’t even be here right now.
I’m glad Will insisted on us spending so much time together, though. Otherwise I would have missed out on what might become a really great friendship.
We don’t talk much as the movie continues, and after a long stretch of silence, I risk looking at him.
Oh my god. Will’s asleep. In my bed.
His lips are parted slightly, and his head is rolled to the side. It’s cute, honestly. He looks so peaceful even partially sitting up like he is. His brown hair is a mess, curling at the edges, and the entirely unhelpful thought that it would feel good between my fingers flashes through my mind. But I don’t dare touch him.
Will shifts in his sleep, his weight settling more fully into me, his head sliding just enough that his cheek presses against my shoulder. I hold my breath, waiting for him to wake up, to realize what he’s doing and pull away. But after a few moments of me holding my breath, he just nuzzles into me deeper while murmuring something unintelligible.
This doesn’t mean anything,I remind myself.
Plenty of people fall asleep watching a movie. It’s a very normal thing to do. He’s probably one of those people who can sleep anywhere, and maybe he doesn’t even like cuddling and this is a weird thing for him because he’s in an awkward position. Him putting his head on my shoulder means nothing. It’s not even a conscious thought.
I nudge him gently. “Will. Will, wake up.”
He hums and shifts again, but instead of pulling away, he moves closer. He leans into me and wraps his arm around my bare stomach. “Five more minutes,” he mumbles in the most precious, sleepiest voice I’ve ever heard.
