“Yeah.” Liam shrugs. “I know I wasn’t around when he passed, but when I came home from college, it was like everything changed. Shit, man. I’m so sorry I didn’t try to be there more. I was so focused on my piece of shit ex using me that I must not have seen how deeply you were hurting. Looking back, I guess it’s more obvious, but in the moment, I just thought we were growing apart or something. You seemed distant, but then again, that’s how I felt too. I couldn’t tell if I was projecting or what.”
I watch John carefully as Liam responds.
For years, John has convinced himself he had to carry his pain alone. I can practically see the gears in his head turning as he realizes maybe that wasn’t true.
“It’s okay, you couldn’t have known,” John says quietly. “No one knew. Not even my family. When he died… it just seemed easier not to start explaining everything. And yeah, that guy at your school was a piece of shit. I hate that he used you as an experiment. I knew you had your own stuff going on too. We were both heartbroken in our own ways.”
Liam sits quietly for a moment, absorbing that. Then he reaches over and kicks John’s boot lightly.
“You know you’re an idiot, right?”
John looks up, clearly not expecting that response.
“You could’ve told me,” Liam says. “I would’ve been there.”
John swallows. “I know that now.”
“Luke was a good guy.”
“Yeah,” John murmurs. “He really was.”
I know John trusted me with this earlier, but watching him say it out loud to Liam feels just as big somehow, like a door that’s been sealed shut for years just opened a few inches. Maybe that’s all healing really is. Just opening the door a little at a time.
I’m desperate to learn more about Luke, to ask John what he was like or more about what their life looked like when theylived together, but I promised myself that I wouldn’t push him, and I think I’ve already done that enough today.
So I don’t say anything more. Eventually, John takes my hand and pulls it into his lap so he’s holding it on his thigh as we continue to chat with Blake and Liam around the dwindling fire. It isn’t sexual—it feels a whole lot like he’s finding comfort in touching me—and honestly, that’s so, so much better.
28
JOHN
“Well, I think it’s time we say goodnight!” Blake announces as the last of the kindling collapses into the glowing embers of what was once our fire.
Honestly, I’m shocked it took them this long to excuse themselves; Blake and Liam aren’t exactly known for their subtlety. I’m already regretting how close together Liam and I set our tents up before we knew about Blake and Chad’s plans to join us.
“Goodnight!” Chad waves as they stand.
“I got the fire,” I tell Liam, and he nods his thanks. “You can go to my tent if you want to get away from the bugs while I clean everything up, Princess.”
Chad aims a flirty smile my way before quietly answering, “Thank you, Sir.”
“Not here,” I warn firmly, glaring at him, but he laughs the whole way back to the tent, and when he can no longer see me, I snort a laugh too. I hurry to pack everything up, make sure the fire is out, and I try not to focus on how quickly it becameourtent when he showed up uninvited.
I want to share my bed with him, so I should. No need to dwell on it.
Telling Chad and even Liam about Luke felt good. It didn’t erase any of the pain of my past, but it did help me feel better today. I want to try to learn from Chad, follow his example and focus on chasing what makes me happy.
So I do my best to ignore the doubt in my mind about what Chad and I are doing and join him in our tent… where he’s completely naked, kneeling on my air mattress in a submissive position.
“Jesus fucking Christ, Chad!” I hiss, hurrying to close the tent behind me. “I said not here.”
He looks up and tilts his head in that adorably confused puppy way of his as he asks, “Wait, why? I thought you meant not out there in the open?”
I quickly strip to my boxers. “I meant,” I mutter slowly as I climb onto the makeshift bed and pull Chad so we’re both lying down with him tucked up against me. “Not while we’re camping with our friends. Just because we have the illusion of privacy in the tent doesn’t mean they can’t hear us.”
“As if that’ll stop them,” he comments with a short laugh before he attempts a more serious expression, promising, “I can be quiet.” But he snuggles in closer to me, eyes already drooping with how tired he is. As much as I love the idea of trying to force him to remain silent while I drive him wild, now doesn’t feel like the night for that. It’s been a long day.
A long emotional day.
