“John, you honor him in so many ways every single day,” I tell him gently. “You don’t have to live in a time capsule of your pain and memories just to prove you cared. He knows you did. I know you did. At some point, you’re allowed to start moving forward.”
He chews his lip and nods solemnly, still holding onto my hand. I’d climb in his lap if I could, but I don’t think these camp chairs can support our combined weight.
“You can make it your own. Youshouldmake it your own. You don’t have to keep punishing yourself for being here when he isn’t.”
He swallows and nods once again, grunting out, “Maybe.”
“And you should tell Liam why you come here,” I suggest, feeling bold since he hasn’t shut down my previous suggestions.
He finally turns to give me a very skeptical look. “I… I don’t know if I can.”
“I know it’s hard for you to talk about, but he’s your best friend. He’s been through his own horrible loss with his mom, so I’m sure he’d understand. You have people in your life who care about you, John. Liam and Blake, your brothers,me,” I emphasize myself with what I hope is a convincing smile. “All we want is to be there for you. Liam has continued to show up for you all these years, and he doesn’t even know why he’s here.”
He rubs the back of his neck again, looking around the campsite that he and Liam set up. Finally, he sighs. “Yeah, okay, maybe.” I know one conversation with me isn’t going to suddenly fix everything, and it’s a big change for him, so his answer feels significantly better than a no.
“He’ll want to know so he can support you. I’m sure of it.” I squeeze his hand before trying to steer the conversation back toward more of our usual territory. That was a lot for him; I can see it written all over his face. Talking about his past, about Luke, it’s all still raw since he’s bottled it up inside for a decade. If giving him a break right now means watching him explain how to start a fire or whatever the hell people actually do while camping, I’m more than willing to play along.
“We can talk more about this later,” I suggest. “I want to hear anything and everything you want to share, but for now… if you’re okay with me staying, how about you show me what this camping thing is all about, huh?”
“Well, we’re pretty much already doing it.” He chuckles.
I look around to make sure I’m not missing anything, because surely there has to be more if people voluntarily do this. “John, we’re just sitting here.”
“That’s the point. It’s a break from normal life. We hang out, enjoy nature, play cards, have a fire, cook over it, go fishing. Tomorrow we’ll go on a hike. Read.”
“Oh God, this is the worst,” I groan, unable to hide my reaction even if I wanted to. Although, I’m hoping my normal dramatics will help get John out of his head. “No wonder Blake didn’t want to come.”
John smirks, and it makes me feel so accomplished to get even that slight positive reaction out of him. “Did you ever think there might be a reason I didn’t invite you? Or Liam didn’t invite Blake?”
“Well, no. I assumed you were just being your normal antisocial self. But I did think you and Liam would be bored with your lack of talking and Blake and I would come save the day,” I explain, only sort of joking.
John shakes his head beside me, and the amusement shinning in his green eyes makes me so fucking happy.
“Want to help me get the stuff Blake and I packed out of the car?” I ask, batting my eyelashes.
“I’m almost afraid to see what you packed, Princess.” He chuckles, standing without protest.
“Lots of good stuff I’m sure you’ll be so grateful for! Also, I know I say it a lot, but I really do love when you call me that,” I remind him with a grin. “Oh, you don’t happen to have an air mattress, do you?”
He laughs again, and the sound lights me up from the inside. “Of course I have an air mattress.”
“Wait, you do?” I nearly shout with how excited I am.
“Yeah, I’m well past the years of sleeping on a thin piece of plastic that only has an inch of air in it.”
“Oh thank God. Don’t tell Blake, but he packed one and Igave him shit, then was immediately jealous when I realized how much better that would be than the thin pad Wyatt gave me.”
We walk over to the trunk, and John pulls out one of my suitcases, raising an eyebrow.
“I didn’t know what to pack for so I brought options,” I explain with a shrug as he takes in just how many bags I brought.
“Uh-huh.” John grins. “This is what earned you that nickname in the first place with all the shit you brought to Vegas.”
“Oh, I remember. But I wore so many outfits it was worth it. Besides, I only packed, like, three suitcases for this weekend, so you should be proud. Praise me.” I wink and John just scoffs.
Back to our normal, yay, my plan is working!
John helps me drag the rest of the bags over to the campsite, still shaking his head every time he discovers something new I packed.
