The sex tonight was amazing, and I don’t think Chad ever really let go enough to get into any sort of subspace, so there’s no need for me to be concerned that he’s about to crash out or anything, and I still did aftercare already in the shower.
So, I should ask him to leave.
I shouldn’t be cuddling him, pulling him closer into my arms, finding comfort in the fact that he smells like me after using my shower products.
Just because I’ve finally admitted to myself that I care about him as more than just someone I’m sleeping with, doesn’t mean I should throw out the rules we’ve had in place. They’re there to protect us both.
And at this point, I think Chad does need to be protected from me.
Because now that I’ve come to terms with the idea that I really want him, every part of me is screaming to officially claim him. Those potential bruises he mentioned? I need to see them. I want to put even more on him. I want to bite him and leave my marks all over his body. I want to tattoo each of them into hisskin forever so they never disappear and everyone can know that Chad ismine.
But I know none of that is a good idea.
Today, with my freakout that I think might have been a panic attack, it’s more obvious than ever that I’m not good enough for Chad. I’m too broken, too grumpy as he likes to say, too stuck in the past to ever give him the future he deserves.
So I should pull away. Maintain boundaries and distance.
I know all of that, but I don’t want to.
He feels too good in my arms for me to want to pull away. So I don’t. I’m not strong enough. Instead, I pull him in closer to me and bask in his warm presence while I can.
“Sorry, John,” he says through a yawn. “I should go so I don’t drive home too tired.”
“Don’t…” I hear myself say firmly before I even think to respond any other way.
“Don’t?” he repeats, obviously confused.
I squeeze him ever so slightly closer to me in the bed. I shouldn’t have said anything, I should have let him go. No matter how good it feels to have him in my arms.
But then I have an idea. “I’m not done with you,” I explain. I shift in the bed so we’re no longer spooning. He’s on his back now, and I slide down until I’m between his legs.
“What are you doing?” he asks with a laugh.
“I promised you days with multiple orgasms. Did you want me to tie you to the bed again? Or do you want the way my mouth is wrapped around your cock to be the only thing for you to be able to focus on?”
“Holy shit, definitely that one!”
His blue eyes look somehow brighter, shining with how big his smile is. He’s so excited at the idea of my mouth on him, and despite my best efforts to ignore the feeling, pride overwhelms me knowing that I’m the one making him so happy.
We’re both already naked, so I wrap my hand around thebase of his thickening cock to hold it steady and bring my lips to the tip, sucking him slowly into my mouth. I relax and breathe through my nose, taking him inch by inch until he’s in my throat, and I’m swallowing around him.
“Fuck, oh my God!” he cries out, already squirming. “You’re so good at that, John. Shit.”
I pull back and work his now spit-covered dick with my hand while I look up at him with a smug smile. “How many more times do you think you can come tonight?”
He lets out a surprised laugh at my question before answering. “I don’t know, maybe one more.”
I make a tsking noise as I shake my head. “We’re young. You have to be the fittest person I’ve ever met. Let’s go for two more.”
He sucks in a sharp breath as I bring my mouth back to his now very hard dick. I swirl my tongue around the tip, lapping at the slit before focusing my attention on the sensitive spot just below the head that has him moaning every time I lick it. I pull back and spit, adding more lubrication as I work the base with my fist in a tight grip, twisting and squeezing.
I look up at him from my spot between his thighs, and he immediately meets my gaze, staring down at me adoringly. “In case it wasn’t clear, you can come whenever you’d like tonight, Princess,” I remind him, and then I double down on my efforts.
He’s already leaking into my mouth, and I try to memorize the taste of him. I don’t think he knows what to do with his hands, because he alternates between fisting the sheets and lifting them above his head as though he isn’t sure if he can touch me even though his dick is literally inside my mouth.
His avoidance makes it abundantly clear to me that I really want him to touch me though.
Fucking him in the kitchen earlier did help to settle some of the panic I’d been feeling. Having him in my grip while Ipounded into him was the reminder I needed that Chad is healthy and strong. He’s fucking perfect.
