“Like the invalid I am.”
“Is that how you wish to be treated?”
“No.Of course not.At least not until I’m truly unable to walk unassisted.”
Edwina toyed with the ear of her teacup, then picked up the cup and sipped the warm brew.
She set the cup aside, then said, “Sebastian will never look at me the same way again.He will always imagine the worst was done to me, even if I tell him otherwise.Especially since he knows I was drugged into unconsciousness.Offered up as a slab of meat to the highest bidder.”
Her voice broke and Claire immediately placed her hand over hers.Tears swam in her eyes, nearly undoing every effort Edwina had made to bolster herself against emotion.
“I wanted to escape what Sebastian has in mind for me next.”
Claire frowned.“Sebastian loves you, Edwina.He would never be cruel to you.”
“He won’t have a choice if he’s to preserve the family’s reputation.I’ve become…a liability.The only way to improve the situation in the eyes of Society will be to marry me off.Not to the man of my choosing, but to pretty much anyone who will have me.”
She did not mention the other option — that she could remain a spinster forever, cloistered away with her invalid sister at Faintree Hall.Somehow, she feared she’d make that sound like a far worse fate, which wasn’t fair to Claire, who had no other choice.
Ironically, Edwina hadn’t thought much of this before going to London.She’d never imagined she’d ever dance at a ball or engage in conversation with other young ladies.
But then she had.
She’d met Mr.Orwell, who’s tragic murder was what had caused her to be alone that day in the park.Because she’d needed space for her emotions.
But before all of that, she’d lived.
And now the idea of remaining in this stone edifice for the rest of her days felt impossible.Like a tomb built around her.She’d slowly suffocate here while dreaming of what-ifs.
Her throat tightened.Before she could get a hold of herself, tears burst from her eyes in heaving sobs that made her shoulders shake.“It’s all my fault.”
“How can you say that?”Claire sounded so calm, so sympathetic and so much older and wiser.“You were targeted by the worst kind of people imaginable.Theydid this to you.”
“Yes.”Edwina gulped down a breath, increasing the ache in her throat.“But I made it possible.If I’d only applied some common sense, this never would have happened.But I was naïve, too trusting, and very stupid.”
“You were also incredibly brave,” Claire murmured.“I don’t think I would have had the courage to try and escape.I still can’t fathom how you managed.”
Claire’s words, her searching gaze, were a subtle request for additional details.It forced Edwina to think of what she’d done.The pliable feel of flesh beneath the tip of the blade resurfaced.Grover’s choked-off gasp.The wet and sticky blood on her hands.
She shuddered.“It is surprising what one is capable of doing out of desperation.”
You did what you had to.
Murry’s words echoed at the back of her mind.
“There,” Claire said as she gave Edwina a penetrating look.“There it is again.That pained sense of loss in your eyes, as though someone dear to your heart just died.”
Edwina flinched a little and tried to cover the response by picking up her teacup once more.“That is how I’m experiencing it.As though my soul has been murdered.”
“Oh dear, Edwina.”Tears welled in Claire’s eyes, leaving Edwina with a rotten sensation in the pit of her stomach.Not because what she’d said wasn’t true, but because it wasn’t the cause of her misery in that moment.
However, she did not want to discuss the man who was.
Her feelings for Murry were complicated.Considering their different stations, her only response to what he’d done should be anger.There should be no other sentiment involved, and yet he’d managed to hurt her in a way only someone she cared for could do.
It was terrifying.
Especially since he remained in her thoughts, every second of every day.
