But when the train arrived in Southampton and she jumped into a taxi to take her to the cruise liner terminal, she still felt… oddly numb about the adventure ahead.
That numbness was both frustrating and unsettling.
Gaby had moved between jobs and places enough times in her life to know how she usually felt in these moments. She was almost always sad to leave wonderful locations behind, particularly those that had become extra special during her stay for one reason or another. But even as she was sorry to leave, excitement about the next destination and the next adventure always trumped the sadness caused by departure. Thoughts about what lay ahead—the new places she’d see, the new job she’d do—kept her focus on the days to come rather than the days just past.
That wasn’t the case this time around. When she thought about the cruise ship she would soon board and the new job responsibilities she’d soon be dealing with, she felt distant and detached and not particularly enthusiastic.
Even when she forced herself to think about the amazing destinations that lay ahead—cruising around Mediterranean resorts before crossing an ocean to sail around the glorious islands of the Caribbean—she couldn’t work up much excitement at all.
Which was ludicrous. She’d wanted a trip like this and a job like this for a long time and now this wonderful adventure was about to begin at last. But no matter how much she thought about the luxurious cruise liner on which she’d be travelling or the fantastic new job she’d be working at or the new responsibilities and skills she’d be learning, she still felt completely and utterly flat.
And no matter how much she tried to imagine the gorgeous Mediterranean destinations ahead or the idyllic Caribbeanislands she’d longed to visit, none of it sparked excitement the way it should.
Worse, every image she conjured about the weeks and months ahead was quickly pushed out of her head by thoughts of Peter.
When she thought of him, her heart ached. And when she remembered the moments they’d shared, it only made her want more of them.
I don’t want to leave. I want to stay. I want to be with Peter, now—and forever.
Realisation hit her like a freight train. The carefully laid out plan she’d decided on last night shattered into a thousand pieces as she grasped, at last, a thought that was life changing.
If she left now, she might never have another chance with Peter.
He’d told her he loved her and asked her to stay. He’d taken a risk when he’d said those things. What risk was she willing to take in return?
The only risk she was taking right now was the risk of losing him forever. By leaving to join her job on board the cruise liner, she’d told herself that the time away would give her the perspective and the certainty she needed to be sure of what she felt.
But she was already sure of her feelings for Peter. If she hedged her bets and sailed away on that cruise ship, she’d always know that she’d played it safe and walked away from something extraordinary… and she’d done it because she was scared.
Scared of what it might mean to have found a man she loved with all her heart. Scared of what it might mean to build a home with him. Scared of what it might mean to belong to someone and to somewhere.
She’d told herself she couldn’t break her promise to her new employer and couldn’t risk her future job prospects in case things didn’t work out with Peter. But that was just fear talking.
Gaby realised the last thing she wanted to do was join that cruise ship now docked at the port terminal. The idea of sailing away and spending months and months at sea filled her with despair. Thoughts of the glorious coastal and island destinations ahead no longer made her think of exciting adventures. Instead, they made her ache for what she was leaving behind.
This ocean voyage might have been what she’d wanted once, but it wasn’t what she wanted now.
What she wanted now was Peter.
And while the idea of breaking her employment contract still made her feel ill, that was as nothing compared to how she felt at the prospect of sailing away and leaving Peter behind.
The decision was made. Shehadto stay.
Now she just had to make it happen.
With her heart thumping so hard in her chest she thought it might break a rib, she paid the taxi driver and hauled her luggage out of the car and hurried into the cruise ship office where she’d been told to report for administrative processing.
The office was housed in a squat brick building about half a mile from the cruise terminal. Gaby could see the enormous liner that was docked there even from a distance. Her first sighting of the spectacular ship didn’t even come close to making her want to change her mind.
Inside the office area, she found a hive of activity, the place buzzing with the staff who’d already turned up for processing and orientation in advance of departure. Gaby hurried to the reception area and waited in line. As soon as it was her turn, she’d give her details and apologise for being unable to join the crew.
She felt bad about leaving her new employer in the lurch this close to departure. The least she could do was provide an explanation. The employment agency that had connected her to this job would expect at least that much if she was ever to work with them again.
Which she might not have to, she realised, her mind already turning to Harry Goodwin and his family’s hospitality business and the job he assured her would be there if she ever wanted it, and…
“Next!”
The reception assistant was waving at her to come forward. Gaby stopped her mind from racing long enough to hurry to the counter. The sooner she got this horrible bit out of the way, the sooner she could dash back to the station and catch the next train back to Hamblehurst.
