When she’d gone home with him and gone to bed with him, it was because she couldn’t keep her feelings or desire in check any more than he could.
And it wasn’t just about lust. It wasn’t just about remembering that tender teenage summer they’d spent together. Yes, that was part of it, a big part of it.
But being togethernow, and sleeping togethernow, was about how they felt for each othernow.
And what she felt for Peter now was totally overwhelming. Which was why she couldn’t handle it and had no idea what to do about it.
“Look,” Gaby said, trying to straighten out the thoughts inside her head. “I’m sure Peter was sincere in what he said. When he asked me to stay, I know he meant every word. And if we lived in a romantic fantasy world, maybe that’s how this would end, with the two of us together forever. But this isn’t a fantasy world, Aunt Jill. Peter and I live very different lives. He’s a teacher who’s completely committed to his school and completely settled here in Hamblehurst with his family all around him. But I work all over the world and move from place to place every few months and have never wanted to settle down anywhere. No matter what Peter and I might feel about each other, we can’t change who we are or what we do.”
Jill listened to all this in silence and sipped her wine. “It’s certainly a tough circle to square, especially if neither of you want to make any changes.”
“Exactly.”
“And of course, even if one or both of you did make changes in order to be together and find out whether you have a future, there’s no guarantee that it will work out.”
“Exactly!”
“And if there’s a chance it might not work out, then why take the risk and upend the life you already have?”
“You’re explaining it better than I could. See, I knew you’d understand, Aunt Jill. Thanks, this has helped a lot.”
Gaby moved to get up from the sofa, but Jill waved a hand.
“Sit back down, young lady. I’m not finished yet.”
Of course she wasn’t. Gaby hadn’t imagined for a moment that she was. The look on her aunt’s face told her she might not like what she said next.
“I’m going to say a few things I’ve never felt the need to say until now,” Jill said. “Before I say them, let me say this first. You’ve built a wonderful life for yourself, Gaby. When you decided all those years ago that you wanted to travel and live all over the world, you meant it. And you made it happen. I’m constantly in awe of the fantastic life you live on your own terms.”
Gaby bit back on the emotion she felt at her aunt’s words. “Thank you.”
“I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. I’m proud of you. I’m proud of your hard work, and your commitment to and love for your career. I’m proud of the woman you’ve grown into. I’m privileged to have a niece who’d drop everything to come and help me. And I’m proud to know how you honour your commitments and go the extra mile to lend a hand when it’s needed. What you’ve done for me these past couple of weeks is testament to that, and so too is the help you’ve given to the Goodwin family when you volunteered to assist with their staffing emergency.”
“I was glad to help.”
“I know that. And I just want to make sure you understand how much I love you and respect you before I say the next part.”
“That sounds ominous.”
Jill set her wine glass aside and gave her a serious look. “You built your life, a life of travel and adventure, because it’s what you wanted, that goes without saying. But I’ve always believedthere was something deeper and darker beneath it, too. Your desire to keep moving on from place to place, never wanting to settle anywhere, is absolutely fine if that genuinely is your decision and your honest preference. But I’m not sure it is.”
“What are you talking about?” Gaby asked, completely baffled.
Jill paused for a long moment before she spoke again, weighing her words. “Your parents hurt you very badly when they separated, Gaby. In fact, they broke your heart. You’ve been running from that broken heart ever since, determined never to let anyone close enough to break it all over again.”
Gaby could only stare, astonished at what Jill had just said. A full twenty seconds passed before she could speak.
“That’s not true.”
“I think it is, true, Gaby. Your parents were selfish and thoughtless during the collapse of their marriage and their divorce, and they treated you terribly. They were so caught up in their own misery and drama, they failed to see the impact it was having on you. Because you were a teenager by that point, and already a self-reliant and well-adjusted young woman, they didn’t worry about any impact their behaviour might have on you. You were a good girl and didn’t act up or respond to their hysterics with any drama of your own. It hurt you to see what was happening between your parents, naturally, but your instinct was to keep out of it because there was nothing you could do about it. And so they surrendered themselves to their battles with each other and you ended up on the sideline.”
Gaby frowned, uncomfortable with this turn in their conversation. “That’s all in the past, Aunt Jill. I don’t understand why you’re digging it up again.”
“Something as traumatic as a bitter and hate-filled parental divorce can never be entirely in the past, Gaby. I only wish it was otherwise. But they compounded the hurt they caused bymoving on with their lives and leaving you to your own devices. Yes, you were almost an adult and about to start university and naturally setting off on your own journey by that point. But I never forgot the way they both just… cut you lose after their separation. They were both so keen to find the happiness they’d denied each other during their marriage, that it became their only focus. They went looking for new lives and new love interests and new beginnings and they simply let you go.”
Tears were threatening and Gaby had to fight to stop them falling. “I was busy with my own life at university and working towards all the things I wanted for myself.”
“I know you were. You distanced yourself from your parents because they’d put you through hell before you left home, and that was entirely understandable. What wasn’t understandable, and what is entirely unforgivable, is that theyletyou do that. These days, you are cordial with them both and keep in contact. But I know it’s not the relationship you might have wished for if things had been different.”
