21
For someonewho made his living writing romantic pop songs for some of the biggest artists in the music business, Ryan found himself at a complete loss for words when his searing kiss with Grace finally came to an end.
From the moment their lips touched, magic had sparked between them. It had been a long time since he’d felt anything like that while kissing a woman.
Now, as he caught his breath and looked into Grace’s eyes, he realised that wasn’t actually true. He’d never in his life feltanythinglike the spark that had zapped through his heart with the power of a thousand exploding stars.
Ryan realised thatthesewere the words he wanted to say to her, words his brain had been unable to grab hold of until a moment ago, and now that the perfect words were crashing around inside his head, he knew hehadto say them, had to get them out, had to let Grace hear them so she understood the impact she had on him.
He almost said the words, too. Almost.
The dark shadow of an unwelcome memory flashed through his mind and caused him to catch the words before they tumbledfrom his mouth. In their place, he offered a smile instead and squeezed Grace’s hand.
If she noticed anything odd about the moment, or about him, she didn’t let on.
Instead, she simply brushed another kiss against his lips and nestled closer beside him on the bench, before looking back out at the beautiful views stretching out all around them. Releasing a soft sigh, she laid her head against his shoulder.
Perhaps words weren’t needed after all. The kiss had done all the talking necessary.
The unspoken ease between them should’ve made Ryan happy. And it did. But instead of just enjoying the moment, he couldn’t stop thinking about those dark memories from long ago which had sliced through his thoughts at the worst possible time and come dangerously close to ruining his first kiss with a woman he liked more and more with each passing minute.
Ryan rarely let his thoughts stray to those long ago days, which he’d worked so hard to put behind him. During the last twelve years, he’d succeeded in moving on, even if he hadn’t quite succeeded in forgetting. He’d only been eighteen at the time when it all happened, still just a boy, although he’d thought otherwise, believing himself to be a man already and on the cusp of taking the world by storm.
His innocence and naivety and wide-eyed hopefulness had blinded him to the dark reality of what was actually happening until it was all too late.
Then, as now, music had been Ryan’s life. Back then, however, he’d been the one up on the stage, rather than the songwriter behind the scenes. When an audition for a television music competition,The Next Big Number One, saw him selected to join three other young lads and compete as a group, Ryan had imagined his dreams of musical stardom were about to come true.
The show was a retread of the many other successful music competition format shows of the day, combining a snappy style with an acerbic judging panel. The manufactured band that Ryan became part of, Four Score, were designed to deliver mainstream boy-band pop music and trade on the good looks of the band’s youthful and energetic members.
Eighteen-year-old Ryan had believed it was the start of his dreams coming true.
But it hadn’t taken long for those dreams to turn into nightmares—nightmares that were deftly crafted and exploited by the television production company for maximum shock effect amongst the viewing audience, as well as the tabloid newspapers which lapped it up.
Alongside Four Score, another band was competing on the show to win the judge’s acclaim and the audience’s votes. Siren Kiss was a girl group, its members all in their late teens, just like the boys in Four Score. They were young and beautiful, each one sculpted for viewer consumption by the production team, and although none of the girls were particularly great singers, they worked well as an ensemble, just as Four Score did.
When the production team caught wind of the relationship blossoming off-camera between Ryan and one of the Siren Kiss members, Megan, they spied a publicity opportunity that was just too good to ignore.
Which was when Ryan’s descent into a nightmare began, although it took him several days to comprehend the jeopardy into which he’d so innocently stumbled.
The passions of young love had combined with the non-stop excitement of the talent show to leave him too euphoric to realise the dangers until it was much too late.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Grace said, breaking into his thoughts.
Ryan blinked, not realising that his memories had pulled him so far away from the present moment. Shaking them off, he gave Grace a smile.
“I’m just enjoying the view,” he said, which was true. It was impossible to look out across the South Downs landscape around them and not be impressed, and he hoped his vague words would excuse his unintended silence.
Stanley appeared at their feet, snuffling on the ground and wagging his tail before jumping up and placing his paws on the bench beside them. He let out a volley of barks.
“I think this little guy wants to keep walking,” Ryan said, and was amused when the dog let out another yap before returning all four feet to the ground and scuttling back towards the trail across the grasslands.
“He’s enjoying himself too much to pause for long,” Grace laughed, and got up as the dog tugged her onwards. “Let’s go before he yanks me off my feet.”
Ryan rose from the bench and fell into step beside Grace while Stanley scampered ahead. Taking her hand into his once more, he smiled at the soft look she gave him in response, and pushed away the remnants of the dark thoughts that had crowded his mind.
As Grace followed Stanley as he hurried off along the trail, she couldn’t help wondering what Ryan had been thinking about back on the bench.
The easy moment of silence they’d shared after their blistering kiss was one thing, but the faraway look she’d caught in his eyes had nothing to do with the view across the South Downs, of that she was sure.
