1
Courtney Flynn wokefrom a dreamless sleep and opened her eyes as a stab of panic speared her heart at the unfamiliar surroundings.
Soft light angled through the half-open gauzy curtains at the window. As her eyes adjusted, she picked out the room’s features—the pretty blue wallpaper, the deep grey carpet, the vintage chest of drawers, the warm white bedspread beneath which she’d just slept.
Panic swiftly gave way to recognition and an amused laugh as she realised that her brain had once more played the same trick on her. Three times now she’d woken in this lovely guest room and three times her brain had failed to realise where she was in those first moments after opening her eyes.
The guest room belonged to Courtney’s cousin, Rosie Austin, a cousin she hadn’t even realised existed until a few weeks ago, a cousin who’d kindly invited her to stay for the weekend after Courtney’s world had turned itself upside down.
Over the last few months, her world had turned itself upside down far too many times to count.
Courtney felt her mind begin to race once more as the enormity of everything that had happened lately threatened tosink its sharp teeth into her already shredded emotions. With a mighty deep breath, she pushed back against the wave of dark thoughts hurtling towards her and focused instead on what was good.
She’d woken in this pretty guest room after a sweet afternoon nap. She was safe and warm and comfortable. Right now, there was nothing to panic about.
Everything is fine.
The soothing voice in her head was not her own. It belonged, instead, to her mother, Sharon. Herlatemother. Her mother who’d died so suddenly it had knocked Courtney’s world off its axis and left her tumbling and spinning and…
Everything is fine.
Her mother’s gentle voice inside her head once more stopped the thoughts from racing away towards dark places.
Everything is fine. Everything is fine. Everything is fine.
Say it often enough and you’ll believe it, Courtney thought. Say it often enough and it might even come true.
Everything is fine. You have so much to look forward to.
Courtney’s hand moved to the swell of her stomach where her baby was moving inside her. A smile curved her lips as she thought of the tiny daughter she was carrying and who was now kicking her feet around like a wild foal.
The tiny daughter she’d meet in just six weeks.
Thinking of the imminent arrival of her child filled her with both terror and joy. Courtney couldn’t wait to meet her little baby, even if she was scared out of her wits about how on earth she was supposed to care for the infant once she got here.
Terror and panic about the impending responsibilities of motherhood vied with excitement and happiness about the tiny creature growing inside her. Having experienced this same conflict thousands of times since the moment she discovered she was pregnant—accidentally pregnant, no less—Courtney knewthat on some days the terror outstripped the excitement and on other days it was the opposite way around.
Right now, both terror and excitement were eclipsed by the urgent need to pee.
“You’ve completely destroyed my bladder, little one,” Courtney murmured as she threw back the warm bedcovers and swung her legs out of the bed. “See what you’ve done to your poor mother, and you aren’t even here yet?”
The soft kick she got in reply spread a smile across her face from ear to ear. These moments of strange and ethereal communication with her baby, when a few whispered words prompted a soft kick or prod in reply, filled her heart to overflowing.
She was so in love with her child that it chased away every fear threatening to seize her. For that, Courtney was grateful beyond all measure.
Shuffling from the guest room, she crossed the landing towards the bathroom. She freshened up, splashing water on her face and raking her fingers through her long dark hair that tumbled past her shoulders. Despite the welcome rest and relaxation she’d enjoyed here over the last twenty-four hours, courtesy of her generous new cousin, there were still dark shadows beneath her eyes, sharp angles along her cheekbones, and a haunted expression on her face that made her reflection in the mirror momentarily look like it might belong to someone else entirely.
Courtney straightened her shoulders, lifted her chin, and forced the smile back onto her face. Her spirits lifted instantly. Fake courage saved the day yet again.
Inside her belly, her baby fluttered, as if in approval of her steely resolve and the effort required to summon it. Courtney rubbed her palm over her stomach, feeling the tiny child that moved there, and was grounded and centred by her presence.
She took a deep breath, smiled again at her reflection in the mirror, and got herself moving.
After returning to the guest room to retrieve her phone, Courtney checked the time, and was stunned to discover it was six-thirty in the evening. Her afternoon nap had turned into a marathon snooze-fest. When she’d come upstairs to lie down after lunch, she’d only planned to close her eyes for an hour or so.
The events of the last days and weeks and months had left her more exhausted than she’d realised. It was only now that she was here in this lovely house, feeling safe and warm, that the fatigue was catching up with her.
The same thing had happened yesterday evening, too.
