Struggling to breathe at the desire burning in their verdant depths, I watched him fight an internal battle he must overcome because I would never be his, nor should he want me to be.
Yet he wasn't alone. I fought it, too.
Every moment around him was a struggle. An endless need. A non-stop desperation to be closer to him. To banter with our ever-heated words that made my blood rush with secret, forbidden desire.
Finding my tongue, I made myself respond with what made sense. With what might break the spell we seemed to cast over each other, speaking to Declan’s ulterior motives forwanting me to remain no matter how much he might pretend otherwise.
“Despite my soon becoming your father’s wife, it could be that you intend to use me to garner favor with your King Alexander somehow,” I pointed out, no fool when it came to how easily I could become a pawn in the strife between our countries. “I’m the daughter of a powerful chieftain who’s in my king’s favor. Once your father marries me, I become beholden to him and Scotland before all others, even as I strive to build bridges whilst you strive to knock them down.”
“Or,” he countered darkly, his deep voice lowering even more as he shifted closer, “others might accuse us Mackays of being traitors by allowing a Norsewoman to marry into such an esteemed Scottish clan. Traitors because we didnae tell our king we had your brother by marriage, Soren, under our verra roof when there was a bounty on his head. Traitors because we allowed him to sail away safely when he might have provided King Alexander with priceless information about King Hákon and his plans for Scotland.”
Where most women in their right minds would be frightened by now, I was not, any more than I had been countless other times when Declan and I sparred like this. Not only because I had faith in my abilities to fight him off, if need be, but because I knew I was the only woman he had ever done this with…done thisto.
And I knew why.
Somehow, some way, Declan was part of my fate. One foreseen by the gods when I was only a child. Even as I thought it, the stone my sister Tove had given me at the Russian border in our youth warmed against my chest where it hung tucked beneath my dress.
“Then tell your father not to marry me,” I dared Declan, shaking my head. “Whether he does or not, I willneversharewhat your clan did for my sister, Freya, and her husband, Soren. Not when Lachlann and your clan have only ever shown me kindness.”
While wishing I could say Declan had too, that would be a stretch. Though not cruel, he certainly had never been hospitable, making me wonder sometimes at the unacknowledged attraction between us. The push and pull that only ever seemed to reel us closer, even as we tried to push one another away.
“Father saw Soren sheltered and released for saving his life,” Declan reminded. “Not me.” He shifted so close that I could feel the enticing heat of his imposing body. Catch his masculine scent of pine and spice. Searching my eyes as if trying to understand what was happening between us, what I was doing to him, his voice gentled in a way it never had with me before. “I did it foryou, Astrid.”
When his gaze dropped to my lips again, and he leaned so close I could feel his warm breath whisper across my mouth, I thought he was finally going to kiss me. Thought he was going to cross that divide, however wrong it would be, and I couldn’t help but pray he would. Pray, when that was the last thing I should long for. Yet, my heart pounded into my throat, and my body came alive at the thought of it.
The blasphemous idea of what it might feel like.
While I knew with every fiber of my being he felt the same, somehow, he found the strength to avoid closing his lips over mine. Instead, he leaned close to my ear.
“I did it because you saved my life,” he said huskily, trying to fight this as much as I. “And for no other reason, lass.”
He referred to my foreseeing his demise if he had traveled in another boat alongside his father’s the night it was shipwrecked.
“And yet you still don’t believe in my abilities nor my gift of foresight,” I whispered, my voice refusing to work as it should. Honestly, I was surprised my legs still held me up, given how weak my knees had become. How shaky and feverish I felt all over at his proximity. How formidable yet incredibly alluring I found him. Although I knew better than to taunt him, I couldn’t seem to stop myself. “If, of course, that’s therealreason you helped me.”
“’Tis,” he said roughly, looking into my eyes again before his gaze dropped to the cross hanging around my neck, the one his father had insisted I wear to keep me safe in these parts. He fingered the delicate piece. “And I no more believe in your abilities than I do that you truly worship the deity this represents.”
“Believe what you like,” I murmured, not about to play this game with him. He knew why I wore this cross. “And I will believe what I like.”
His accusation might be chilly, but the sensual warmth building between us as our gazes lingered on one another was causing havoc with every last part of me, invoking all sorts of dangerous womanly sensations. My heart slammed. I barely breathed.
Step away, I warned myself.Right away lest you do something you will regret. Cross a line.I would, too. Of that I had no doubt.
And Lachlann didn’t deserve that.
To that end, I was finally able to muster up every ounce of willpower I possessed, sidle away from Declan, and head upstairs without a backward glance. “I’m going to check on your father.”
Though I saw fine in the dark and knew this castle relatively well by now, Declan followed closely anyway,providing torchlight. I did my best to ignore his presence at my back, but it wasn’t easy.
In fact, the more time that passed, the more difficult it became.
Since returning from battling at the English border, he seemed to be everywhere I went, despite us not living under the same roof until recently. While it could be because he distrusted me, I sensed it was more than that. Iknewit, even if neither of us could or would admit it.
After arriving in Scotland with those I'd traveled here with, I eventually settled in a local village under Clan Mackay's protection, until a few days ago, when Lachlann proposed we marry to keep me safe. Several nobles in the area had been eyeing me with interest, yet now, after the Battle of Largs, it would be safer to be with Lachlann. It would, of course, be a marriage of convenience, given he was my father’s age, but at least we shared a genuine friendship despite our age difference, which was more than most marriages started with.
“I will soon join you to check on Father,” Declan said when we neared the door to the back hall.
“I would expect nothing less,” I replied softly, doing as we had done over the past week when we snuck out to keep Soren’s second-in-command updated about his health. I entered before Declan, so the servants didn’t see us together and ask questions.
