“I swear it. I truly am sorry.” Her voice cracked with emotion.
The only good thing about the terrible situation was that her chest felt lighter now that the truth was out.
“You’re tired.” He stroked her jaw with his thumb, and the kindness in his gesture calmed her quick pulse. “We’ll talk again when you’re better.” He was about to say something else when the Dowager entered.
“Isabella.” She narrowed her gaze at Anthony. “I didn’t mean to interrupt. I’ll be back later.”
“I was just leaving, Grandmama.” He stood up. The tiredness and pain on his face made her want to hug him and beg for his forgiveness until he believed her. “I’ll see you later.” He cast a long glance at her before leaving.
“How are you?” The Dowager lacked her usual haughty attitude.
“Tired. Sore. But alive.”
The Dowager sat on the stuffed chair in a swish of silk and lowered her gaze. It had to be the first time Isabella had seen the Dowager so demure.
“Was it me?” the Dowager asked in a whisper. “Did I cause the incident?”
“Heavens, no. I’m sure you didn’t.”
“I upset you with my silly dislike for your pink gowns. You were distraught. I can’t stop thinking your predicament is my fault.”
“It’s not.” She touched the Dowager’s hand.
The Dowager watched her with compassion. “Anyway, I do apologise for having upset you.”
“Water under the bridge.”
“Now tell me how you feel and what I can do for you.”
She put a hand on her tender belly, and a sob came out of nowhere. Maybe the Dowager’s sudden kindness triggered her emotions. Or maybe it was guilt all over again because, during the past months, she’d worried about everything except her child. She’d only thought about how to find a solution for her situation, and now she would never hug it.
“I lost it. It’s dead. I didn’t have the time to realise how important it was for me, but the loss hurt.” It was the first time she’d faced the enormity of her loss.
“Oh, darling.” The Dowager held her in a surprisingly motherly embrace.
Isabella leant against her and cried as if the pain she’d kept inside needed to flow out. The Dowager patted her back, whispering something Isabella didn’t understand.
“I know it hurts. And I’m not going to lie to you, darling. It’ll always hurt.” The Dowager rocked her gently. “People don’t understand that losing an unborn child hurts deeply.” When the sobs died down, the Dowager let her go. “You’re young and strong. Time will help you. I promise.”
“Aren’t you angry with me for having lied?”
“I’m not happy about it. But what happened to you happened to me as well,” the Dowager said so low Isabella barely heard her.
“Did you lose a child? Sorry, stupid question. Of course you did. Anthony’s father.”
“Not only him. I had a miscarriage a few weeks after my wedding, like you. At that time, doctors dealt with miscarriages in a more brutal way.” Each word came out slowly. “Their practice was dangerous and so painful…” She waved a hand. “You don’t need to hear me complaining, just that I know how you feel.”
“I’m sorry.” She couldn’t believe she was holding hands with the Dowager.
“And of course, what Anthony did to you happened to me as well.”
Isabella had no idea what she meant. Anthony had been nothing but kind to her.
“My husband took me before our courtship even began. I told him I wasn’t convinced, but he said everyone did it. I was young and naïve, and afterwards, what we did left me no choice but to marry him. See, I discovered I was with child, too. George married me, but I felt my choice was taken from me.”
“I’m sorry, but Anthony didn’t…I mean I was happy. I agreed.”
“At least he did the honourable thing and married you, but I shall never forgive him for his poor judgement.”
