“Dude, I’ve known you for how many years now?”
I shrug in response.
“I know when you’re into someone, and yeah, the history is whatever the history is, but that’s in the past. Clearly, you guys are still both into each other,” Ash sucks on his vape like he’s an old wizard smoking a tobacco pipe.
He gives me a look, waiting for me to confirm or deny, although it’s clear his mind is made up.
“If she wanted something like that, she’d tell me,” I say. “Connie sets her own boundaries; I’m not going to push for more. I’m just… enjoying the time I’ve got.”
Ash lets out a loud groan. “All of you artistic types are ridiculous.” At the grimace on my face, he continues. “You’re so committed to being miserable. You take the risks for your art, but not for yourself. Come on, man.”
I shake my head. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. You’re the perpetual bachelor.”
“That’s exactly how I know what I’m talking about. Don’t be like me, dude. There was this girl. I met her out while I was stationed in Camp Pendleton, and she’s the one that got away, just like you thought Connie had gotten away. Paige was reallysomething special. She ended up getting married to some other Marine, someone she had known as a kid. I never got serious with her, even though I wanted to. If I had stopped dicking around, maybe it would’ve been the best thing I ever did, maybe not. Now I’ll never know, though, because I let her think I wasn’t serious.”
“How did I not know about this?”
“How did I not know about Connie? Dude, things happen. Paige might’ve been the love of my life, or my soul mate is still out there somewhere. I don’t know. What I do know is that you’re fucking nuts about that girl up there. If I had a second chance with Paige, I’d take it in a heartbeat. Are you going to throw this opportunity away?”
Lilli puts on her stage persona as she works the crowd for a while. Her first song of the set is the same as it has been over the last several shows, but then she comes out to the front of the stage. “I have someone really special I’m going to introduce you to!” The crowd cheers. “You already know her—at least her words. She’s been my songwriting partner for ages. Everyone give a big welcome to my best friend, Constance!”
Connie comes out, and I turn around to look. Ash is right next to me, keeping his eyes on the crowd. She’s holding onto her microphone like a bouquet, shimmering like neon on a lake, a beautiful combination of natural beauty and fabricated glam.
“Hi everybody.” Connie waves at the crowd, and they roar in response. I can feel the sound in my toes and up my body. They already love her. Of course they do. “I am so excited to be here with you guys!”
“Constance,” Lillian says, “I was wondering if you’d sing a little song with me?” She nods to the guitarist, who’s playing out some chords that start the song “tattoo”. This is one Connie told me she helped with the bridge and verses to, but the chorus was all Lilli. It’s angry, it’s heartbroken, and it’s still hopeful. It’s looking to the future with the marks that were left behind.
I think about the tattoo I have, about how Connie might have noticed it, though if she has, she hasn’t mentioned it. Sonnet 14, Shakespeare. I wonder if she knows I got it for her.
I think about Ash and Paige. This is Lilli’s last show. The tour for us ends today.
What do I have to lose?
“I think I’d like to hear you sing something else for us,” Lillian tells Constance before asking the crowd, “what do you guys think?” Cheers and whoops abound.
“I have something new, if you’d like to hear it,” Connie says. She’s asking permission, but not in the same way Lilli feeds the crowd a question. She’s preparing to share something vulnerable, something untested. It’s a risk, and the crowd senses her vulnerability as they cheer encouragingly. Lilli takes a seat, giving Connie the floor. Constance moves over to the piano and starts playing some chords.
“It seemed like the right thing at the time. There are some days I feel like I might end up fine. Your eyes still have the same old shine, and if it was the right time, I could be the love you find.”
The lyrics hit me. Hard.
She’s not looking at me; I don’t even know if she’s seen me looking at her.
“I swear,” she sings, “there’s nothing like the look on your face as I opened my soul and showed you my darkest parts. As you watched my stars fall, I thought I’d drown. In that desert, you were the force of the flash flood.”
When the song ends, the crowd erupts, and I’ve made up my mind. I’m not going to give up.
Lilli and Connie hug, the audience cheers and cries and it’s really something special.
She’s really something special.
Ash and I make our way backstage to find the girls, and we find Lilli shaking.
“Oh my God, they got Connie.”
Panic floods me. “What?”
“Someone tried to pull me into a cart, but Connie pushed me back and got in.”
