“But there’s a couple of issues with it,” Connor continues. “For starters, it stinks of seaweed.”
We both laugh and take a step closer towards each other, his fingers tangling further into my hair and my hands forgetting to hold my gown and moving to grip his T-shirt instead.
“But the biggest problem with that outfit is that when I look at it, all I can see is you lying on the beach with your wet hair spread out around you and your blue lips… I already relive that moment every time I close my eyes, Tilly…”
His forehead rests on mine, and I feel a tear fall down my face. I honestly don’t know if it’s one of mine or his, but I wipe it away.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper guiltily. “I don’t know what else to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything, and you certainly don’t have to apologise, Til. Come on, let’s get you dressed so we can go home.”
Connor takes a breath and hands me the bag he brought in with him. When I look inside, I find underwear, soft leggings and a simple T-shirt, all of which have the labels still attached. The sweatshirt, however, is a little more rumpled.
“It’s mine,” Connor explains. “I bought a new one, so it’s still fluffy inside, and I wore it around all day so it has that smell you like.”
“You’re perfect.” I smile and take what I hope comes across as a cute sniff of the sweatshirt, and not something creepy. “Thank you. I don’t deserve you.”
Before I manage to turn around to get started, Connor pulls the clothes away from me and holds them high in the air. “Take it back,” he says seriously.
“Take what back?” I’m suddenly very aware that my gown is gaping at the back and the nurse could come back at any time.
“That you don’t deserve me. I’m not having you making self-deprecating comments about yourself anymore, Tilly. So as soon as you say that you deserve to be happy, I’ll give you your clothes back.”
I open my mouth to respond but struggle to find the words. Even lying about being deserving is difficult.
“Say it, Tilly, or you’re making the journey home in the seaweed outfit.”
I narrow my eyes. “You wouldn’t.”
“I would. It would fucking kill me to see you in those clothes again, and my car would stink of fish for weeks, but I would doit if it meant you finally starting to believe that you are worth something.”
We stare each other down, and I realise I’ve never seen Connor so serious about anything before. I also really don’t want to travel home smelling of the fish counter at Morrisons, so I swallow my pride and decide to fake it until I make it.
“I… I deserve to be happy.” I force out the words in barely more than a whisper, but it seems to placate Connor enough for him to lower his arm and hand me the clean clothes.
“Yes, you do,” he says sincerely. He leans down and kisses me softly but so deeply I feel his love down to my toes.
Chapter 38
It’s a blanket fort
Connor and I spend the hour-long journey home listening to music, talking about nonsense and generally ignoring the elephant in the room. Or the elephant in the car, I suppose. Either way, I enjoy the light relief for a while, despite the niggling nauseous feeling in my stomach. I know once we get home, we’ll have a lot to talk about, and Connor will insist that we do talk. He’ll want to know what I did and why, and I want to know what he meant when he said he’s ‘handled’ the Rhys situation. As far as I’m aware, the police haven’t been in contact with Connor, and Rhys hasn’t tried to get in touch with me since he phoned me in the souvenir shop, but I don’t know what any of that means.
“Ready?” Connor asks once we’re parked in his drive.
“That feels like a loaded question,” I reply sardonically.
“Come on. Let’s get you inside.”
Connor gives me the keys to his house, insisting I go inside while he gets the luggage from the boot, so I head to the frontdoor. Swinging it open, I make my way towards the living room and stop dead in my tracks.
“Connor?” I call behind me. “What did you do?”
No answer. Either he didn’t hear me or he’s messing with me.
“Connor!”
“Yes, Tilly?” he asks innocently and places his hands on my shoulders.
