“I don’t understand…”
“Last night Tilly bumped into Rhys, and she’s moved back in with him.”
“What?” Violet sounds as enraged as I feel. Good. At least I know she’s on my side.
“I don’t really know what happened, but I’ve seen her, and she told me she wants to try again with him, but I’m not convinced she’s telling the truth. She said she doesn’t want to see me anymore, but I’m worried about her, Violet.”
“And you want me to keep tabs on her and feed back to you?” she asks as if it’s the most normal request in the world.
“Well, yeah, but only because I’m not convinced that this is what she wants. I just don’t understand why she’s doing this.”
“Say no more,” Violet says. “Tilly’s been so much more confident and… well,happysince she left Rhys and moved in with you. I won’t watch her turn back into a zombie, going through the motions every day instead of actually living. I’ll keep in touch.”
I breathe a sigh of relief knowing that Tilly will have at least one good friend looking out for her, even if it can’t be me.
“Hey, Connor?” Violet adds more softly. “It’s really sweet that you care so much about her. I really hope this all works out. For both of you.”
Emotion clogs my throat, forcing me to cough to clear itaway. “Thanks, Vi.” And I hang up before I embarrass myself in the middle of the restaurant.
I set the phone down and stare into my empty glass. It’s not the same as being with her, but at least now I’m not completely in the dark, even if the light has walked out of my life.
Chapter 19
I promise
At school the following Monday, Violet hunts me down in my classroom while the children are on the yard for break. I’m sitting at my desk, sorting through papers for my next lesson, the photocopier having gone haywire halfway through printing and spitting everything out in a random order.
“Right, I have five minutes,” she says, pulling the papers from my hands so I’m forced to focus on her. She stands in front of my desk with her arms folded and raises an eyebrow. “What the hell happened on Friday?”
Reluctantly, I recount carefully selected parts of Friday night. Violet’s expression is unreadable while she listens to me speak, which I find unnerving. It’s so much easier to talk to a person who reacts to what you’re saying, but right now I have no idea if Violet is angry, delighted or anywhere in between. I can’t even tell if she believes me. I anxiously fiddle with the hem of my T-shirt, pleating it one way, then the other and back again.
When I’m done, Vi doesn’t respond or even really react towhat she’s heard. Instead, she picks up a crumpled worksheet off the floor and smooths it against her thigh, staring me down. I suddenly feel nine years old again.
“So, you’re back living at Rhys’s?” she asks.
“Well, it’s my house too,” I say. “But yes, we’re back together.”
“Why?” she asks, her expression still neutral.
“Because I love him,” I answer defensively.
“Why?”
“Well, um… I don’t have to explain my choices,” I say, trying to cover up for the fact that I couldn’t come up with a reason off the top of my head.
Vi just raises one drawn-on eyebrow.
“Rhys is good to me. We have history. He’s put up with my shit for years. There’s three reasons for you.”
Violet still doesn’t speak.
“Put your eyebrows away, will you? If they go any higher, they’ll get lost in your hair.”
“I just don’t buy it.” She shrugs. “And if those are genuinely your reasons for going back to him, I think they’re stupid. That’s all.”
I stare at her open-mouthed, unsure of how to respond to such casual, brutal honesty.
“I just don’t want you to go back to how you were before. You’ve seemed so much better these last few weeks. Happier. I’d hate for you to go back to being sad and anxious all the time for the sake of convenience or a sense of duty, feeling like you have to hide behind a smile, even though we can all see you’re struggling.”
