“I saw you track dried basil the other day. It was two calories.”
“It’s easy for things like that to add up…”
“Does Rhys still have access to it?”
The question takes me by surprise. To be honest, I haven’t thought about him checking my food log since I moved out, but I suppose it’s possible he’s still on it. I immediately worry about his reaction to the square of chocolate I tracked the other evening.
“I’m not sure.”
“It’s your choice, but I think it would help you to get rid of the pressure of the app. Delete it, and I’ll help make sure you eat well. Come on, you have a professional chef offering to cook for you! What do you say?”
“Hmm,” I pretend to think. “We’ll have to see if you’re anygood first.” I spear a bit of everything onto my fork and bring it to my mouth. My God, it’s incredible, but I can’t let Connor know that. I chew and make contemplative faces as I swallow.
“Well?” he asks, playing along.
What the hell? I’m not losing weight this way anyway – I might as well give it a try. I can always download it again in a few days if I need to. I reach for my phone and hand it to Connor.
“Delete the app, Chef. You have yourself a deal.”
Over the next few weeks, Connor and I fall into a comfortable routine. After I told him about Ivy moving to Edinburgh, he said I could stay with him for as long as I needed, which I agreed to on the condition that he accepted proper rent. So he raised my payments by a whole fifty pounds a month.
Connor has been showing me some new recipes that he assures me are healthy, and although I don’t think I’m losing weight, I feel better in myself. Not weighing myself daily feels unnatural, but Connor doesn’t have a set of scales in his house, and he’s forbidden me to buy a set. I’m helping around the house, and I’ve sorted through all of Ivy’s belongings and boxed them up for her. She’s been so busy with her new job, she hasn’t had chance to come back home to do it herself, so I offered to help her out.
We even give shopping another try, and I come away with some new jeans and tops that don’t have hoods – nothing of note for the most part, but it’s everything to me. Obviously, I insist we visit my new happy place while we’re out so I can celebrate a successful shopping trip with a coffee and a new book or five. Not long after, I decide that my new clothes deserve a new Matilda. So I make appointments to have my hair cut and styledand my nails done. But, significantly, I find that Iwantto start taking care of myself, but not for anyone else. I’m going to do it for myself.
Chapter 13
You’ve been glowing
“You’re still coming tonight, right?” Violet asks me for the thousandth time today.
“Yes, I’ll be there,” I sigh in mock frustration.
“And you’re sure you have something to wear?”
I can understand why Vi is dubious about my outfit arrangements for our long-awaited end of year night out, but there’s no need. After much discussion with Connor, I’ve decided to get out of my comfort zone and wear the emerald green dress that’s been hanging on the front of my wardrobe since the night I threw it across the room. Connor insists it looks okay, so I’m choosing to trust him.
“You can borrow something of mine if you want?” she offers.
How does such a kind, well-intentioned question make me feel so shit about myself?
“There’s no way anything of yours would go near me, I’d need to stitch three of your skirts together to make one big enough for me. Besides, as I’ve told you many, many times, I havesomething to wear!”
“Okay. Do you want to come over to mine to get ready? We could have some pre-drinks?”
“Really?”
“Definitely! I barely have time to talk to you anymore, it will be fun to have a catch up. Get to mine for 5:00?”
I smile and nod my agreement. As the children have already gone home for the day, and I’m caught up on jobs for once, I decide to leave and grab a quick shower before heading to Violet’s house.
Before long, Connor’s driving me to Vi’s house so I don’t have to worry about picking up my car tomorrow.
“If you need a lift home later, just call, okay?”
“Thanks, Dad…” I roll my eyes dramatically, which makes him smile.
“I mean it, Missy. I don’t want you wandering around looking for a taxi. Phone me and I’ll come for you.”
