“She threatened to call CPS and tell them Ethan is hitting Laura if we don’t put her back on the list.”
“What?” Dallas jerked back. “What the fuck? But he’s not. He’d never do that.”
“No, he wouldn’t. And when I pointed out that that’s easily proven to be a lie, she just started screaming at me. Just a dose ofpink-haired whoreandcock-sucking bitchand a whole lot of other things I won’t even repeat.” I finally took a long breath. “I can handle it when she hates me. But putting Ethan and Laura atrisk . . . Laura has already gone through so much. I can’t see her go through more. I can’t.”
“What do we do? We’ll help. All of us will help.”
I felt myself relaxing more and more. “I don’t know what there is to do. Ethan is trying his best, but I’m worried she’ll do something terrible.”
“We should talk to him,” Dallas said. “And maybe make a plan with Laura. I know the idea of her going through something else is terrifying, but maybe actually talking to her about her grandmother would be smart. She’s not oblivious.”
My head rested on his shoulder. I drew in a deeper breath. “I lied to you.”
His arms tightened around me. “About what?”
“I don’t hate you.”
I felt him swallow hard.
“I don’t hate you at all. And the kissdidruin everything because I was perfectly fine living my life just being your friend. I never had a crush on you. I never wanted you. I know you didn’t want me either.”
“That’s not true,” he whispered. “I’ve wanted you the last few years, but I never did anything. But then . . .”
“We kissed.”
He nodded. “And I couldn’t ignore the way you made me feel.”
“It scares me so much,” I whispered. “It’s so much easier to push you away than let you in. To push Madi away. God.” I squeezed my eyes shut, more tears spilling over. “I was so mean to her for no reason. She was trying to be vulnerable and I pushed her away. I push anyone away that tries to see me. I’ve never dated anyone seriously. I’ve never let myself be loved. Anytime someone got close or anytime I started feeling that way, I always ended the relationship. But I can’t end a relationship with you because you’re my friend.”
Dallas released a soft hum. A beat of silence followed, but then he shook his head. “Is this why you made the friends-with-benefits proposal?”
I nodded, feeling myself sinking.
“And today is homecoming. She sent us a text this morning.”
“Yeah,” I whispered. “I hurt her feelings. I hurt your feelings. I’m . . .”
“Sorry?”
I leaned back. “What?”
Dallas let out a soft snort and waited for it to click. Patiently.
My eyes widened slightly. “Iamsorry. Of course I am.”
“Are you?”
“Iam,” I insisted. “I hate how I am. I hate this part of myself. I hate myself.”
“June.” He slid his fingers through my hair, cradling the back of my head. “You’ve got to stop thinking of yourself the way your mother wants you to. You don’t deserve it. Something you said to Madi and I stuck with me through the night, which is that we’ve earned our love. We’ve earned being seen and cared for by someone else. But why do you think you haven’t?”
“I don’t know,” I whispered. “It’s so ingrained into me. I’ve fought to let go of all the things I was told growing up, but that one still sticks to me like glue.”
“You know the best way to get glue off?”
I fought a smile. “What?”
“Letting two people love you.”
