“Ash.” My voice is too soft. He doesn’t stir. His arms are flung out to either side, his face peaceful. He can explain this situation. He’ll wake up and say everything is okay. I grab him, shake him. “Ash!”
He groans. His eyes crack open. “We fall asleep?”
I don’t know what to say. He looks at the clock. Blinks. “Oh, shit.”
It’s Saturday. It’s 5:14.
I launch myself off the bed and wake my computer. OpenDiscord and CoH Online. Log in. Notifications overrun my messages. There are hundreds of unread posts in clan chat. When the server queue clears and I get in, I immediately open the clan screen to see where everyone is.
Zoo and seven others are near the top of the members list. Beside their names is the location VAN DER GELT TOWER. Five of the names—Healzzzorz, lumberjacked, Leelea, Redderfedder, HundredKnives—were on the raid list. Two are new.
Ash and I were replaced.
“Open the stream,” Ash says.
I switch to a browser. Zoo streams our raids on world first day. There are four thousand people watching his channel; he and the rest of the party are somewhere deep in the tower, running through a twisted office building. Their voices come through clear as they talk, giving each other heads up and calling out game state.
They sound tired. It’s been two hours.
The game chimes. I switch screens and check clan chat.
[fireballboy]:yo raven wtf
[fireballboy]:you were supposed to be in the raid
[Mox]:Kind of late for that now. What happened?
[Ravenweal]:I’m sorry, I’m here now, I can sub in
[Mox]:You can’t once the raid has started
[VegaV]:Yeah they’d be wasting time to leave and go back in with you
[VegaV]:Did you know Faust skipped out too?
[Mox]:We’re fucked with this expansion. Maybe with the whole group we might’ve done it but there’s no way now
[fireballboy]:i checked the Azuregames stream. the harbingers figured out a puzzle it took us almost an hour to do. There’s no way we’re coming back.
[VegaV]:Maybe we can take third or second, but Harbingers would have to really fuck up for us to take first
[Mox]:Zoo’s pissed
[Mox]:He won’t see this cause he’s in the raid but don’t be surprised if you get booted. We’re behind because our DPS isn’t good enough.
[Ravenweal]:It was an accident. I didn’t do it on purpose.
[Mox]:So it wasn’t even a family emergency or something?
[Mox]:Damn, you could have at least lied.
I slide away from the computer. What was once a doorway is now a locked window. I see the raid, I need to be there, but I can’t reach it. There’s nothing I can do except scream from this side of the glass. Weeks, weeks of preparation, late nights, struggle, learning, and I screw it up with half an edible? So easily it crumbles to dust in my hands?
And it’s my fault.
“Evie, hey. Calm down.” Ash kneels next to me. I realize I’m wringing my hands and rocking back and forth. I make myself stop. “It’ll be okay. There’ll be another expansion. Another world first.”
“They’re right, Zoo is gonna be angry,” I say, voice wavering. “I won’t get another shot, not with Ikelos Lair. Maybe not with any clan. He’s going to kick us out.”
