“I guess so.”
Both eyes are open now, and he’s smiling again. I was wrong—it is actually very easy to tell when he’s really smiling. And it’s a beautiful smile.
“Do you think I’m scary?”
I shrug. “I think I did once. But not anymore.”
“Once when?”
“Before now. When we were younger.” I look away, try to keep my blush from being too obvious. “You were Alissa’s older brother. I guess I always thought you were more...morethan us. More important, or something. I didn’t think I was allowed to be around you.”
He sits up. “Alissa always told me to leave you guys alone when you were over. I think I teased her too much. She thought I’d make you uncomfortable or something.”
I do remember Ash teasing her. It was always about small things. I never took him seriously, and I don’t think she did either, but Ash is picking at the grass and scowling again.
“She loved you, you know?” I say. “I don’t think the teasing would have ever made a dent in that.”
He glances up at me. “Yeah.” Then, after a pause, he says, “When did you get so good at comforting people? Alissa always said that wasn’t your thing.”
I draw back. She said that about me?Iknow I’m not always the best at being comforting, but I always tried, especially with her. If she thought that wasn’t my thing, did that mean I never reallyhelped her? Did I not do enough? Could I have done something better?
Ash’s expression shifts. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to... I’m sure she didn’t mean it like that, I’m probably misremembering what she said exactly—”
“No, it’s okay.” I stand up, brushing myself off. “People are coming out of the church. I think they ended early. I should go find my mom.”
He gets to his feet. “Will you be on CoH later?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“Good. I’ll talk to you on there.”
“Sure.”
I leave him. The warmth I was feeling, the wonderful fizzy feeling of being near him, has drained away. As I walk—one two three four—I try desperately to turn my mind to the rest of today, to the game, but my thoughts all twist back, into the past. To every time Alissa had a problem I didn’t solve. I run through every conversation, expression, snapshot of body language. I see all my mistakes now.
So many things I should have done. The list gets longer with every step.
Interstitial
HUNTERS HAVE AN ABILITY CALLED
DREAMFORMING
that lets them temporarily create structures, weapons, and more—even pets!
BUT ONCE THE DREAMHUNTER DIES, THEIR DREAMFORMS GO WITHTHEM.
Chapter 9
Clan Chat: Ikelos Lair
[Faustus]:Rave, you get the invite?
[Ravenweal]:Yep, one sec
[Ravenweal]:Selling a few things then I’ll join
[Ravenweal]:There
