He put his hand to mine, taking the condom. “Whoa,” he muttered. We froze. “Are you sure?”
“Areyou?”
“I mean, yeah. I just—um—aren’t we supposed to, like, have a conversation about this first?”
“Do youwantto? Have a conversation?”
“No.” He coughed. “I just feel like—I mean—it’s a big deal for you, right?”
“Yeah, obviously,” I stammered. “I would hope it’s a big deal for you, too. Isn’t it?”
“Ofcourse,” he replied.
“See? That’s just a double standard then,” I whispered, kissing his neck. “Idon’t need to have a talk about it. Especially ifyoudon’t.”
“No, I don’t. I’m sorry. You just caught me off guard, I guess,” he murmured, closing his eyes, relishing my lips on his skin. “I wasn’t expecting—well,this.” He held up the small, shiny, purple packet.
“Do you love me?” I asked, nuzzling my face by his ear.
He pulled me in closer. “Do you have to ask?”
“So? Whyshouldn’twe?”
He shook his head, closing his eyes and kissing me with all the passion of a 16-year-old boy whose biggest dream was about to come true.
It was slow and careful, awkward and sandier than I expected it would be. We used the free towel as a makeshift blanket, covering ourselves on the off chance that someone showed up. I kept my eyes closed for most of it, trying to feel something other than the emotion of holding on to this boy, my person, the one friend who I knew I could count on and who loved me so completely that only with him did I feel entirely at ease with myself. The feeling was so overwhelming that I felt tears form at the corners of my eyes.
Matt noticed, pausing. “Oh my God, am I hurting you?”
“No.” I pulled him down to me. “I just love you. Don’t stop.”
He proceeded cautiously, my hands curling in fists on his back as I rhythmically pulled him as close to me as he could possibly be. When it was over, I opened my eyes slowly.
“Holy shit,” I said, my face twisting into a confused expression.
“I know, right?”
“No. Matt, look.” I nodded toward the sky. A streak of dark, neon green along the horizon blended into a deep plum above it, a cosmic arc merging into a sea of blackness. Everywhere, shooting stars rained across the sky. I couldn’t believe it.
Matt sat up and pulled his shorts on. “What is that? The Northern Lights?”
“I don’t think you can see them in this part of the country. I think that’s the Perseids.”
Nature’s fireworks show continued as I moved in front of Matt and sat between his legs, my back resting on his chest. In awe, no words passed between us for a long time. Only the sound of small waves lapping the shore mixed with our playlist filled the damp air. As each star flew by, I grew and more and more certain that I would never forget this night.
Finally, the sky’s majestic display began to fade. Matt checked his watch. 11:15. “We should go,” he whispered to me. “Don’t want to be late.”
Begrudgingly, I began to collect my things, pulling on the extra sweatshirt Matt brought for me, noticing the bag of M&Ms that had spilled out next to the towel. Matt buried the evidence of our night together deep in the sand.
“I’m just going to go rinse my hands,” he told me as I stood up to shake the sand off the towel and roll it up for him. Matt walked to the water and bent down. I kept my eyes on the fading brilliance above us.
“Taylor!” he called from the water’s edge.
“What?”
“Come here! You’ve got to see this!”
I jogged over to him, careful to tiptoe once I reached the rocks.
