The pause that follows stretches longer than it should, filled with all the feelings I’m not sure how to express in words. “I miss you,” is the best way to explain it.
The smile spreads on his face. “I miss you too. Like, bad.”
“You can call me whenever. I mean that.”
“Okay.”
“Middle of the night. During your shower. From the toilet, if you must, as long as you’re on mute.”
“Bri, stop. I will call you.”
“Tomorrow?”
He tries to pin his widening smile. “I will call you tomorrow. Get some sleep.”
We end the call, and I set my phone down with a sigh. In the quiet darkness of the room, I feel more alone than I have in years. The pink stone and hoodie-covered pillow are all the comfort I have.
If manifesting works, I want a six-figure job and Liem in my bed tomorrow.Make it happen, crystal.
Twenty-three
Liem
I found an apartment. Four days after arriving home—which was three too many days living with my family—I signed a lease for a new studio.
There were two locations I was considering. One downtown, a few blocks from my company’s campus, and another along a direct bus line in First Hill. As much as I want a break from work when I leave the office, convenience is helpful when working late. The downtown apartment won out.
I signed the shortest lease possible, only a six-month term, thinking I would use the time to feel out whether living in the areawould be more stressful than convenient. Subliminally, I’m holding out hope that I will find a way to get back with Bri again.
Only a few months with her and the world feels brand new. That’s no time at all, in the grand scheme of things, and yet I’ve changed. I grew so quickly in Bri’s sunlight. She made it clear every day that she wanted me around, inviting me closer when I felt I was intruding too much. She allowed me to bemein totality. Unapologetic, open, honest. I want to feel like that always.
As Bri said, I deserve love like that—reallove—from everyone I choose to have in my life. Unfortunately, I’m realizing my lifehereisn’t conducive to that standard.
Four days with my dad brought everything back. The guilt I have for being jealous of his relationship with May. The implied expectations of being the eldest son with the big job. It’s the open palm he holds out when the restaurant is short on cash or having a bad month—which iseverymonth. My family may appreciate what I contribute and how hard I work, but it rarely seems like they appreciateme. I’m glad to get away from them, even if it’s only a forty-minute drive.
My office is as cold as I remember. Only the newer buildings in Seattle have air-conditioning like this, and this one seems to balance temperature needs between the occupied spaces and the server rooms. It makes me question whether I always liked wearing hoodies or if I adopted a hoodie dependency because of this damn office.
The windows of the thirty-eighth floor peek through the other high-rise buildings, seeing all the way down the hill to the waterfront. An expanse of glass, concrete, and water. I missed this view, but I’d trade it for the sidewalk view from our Brooklyn apartment in a heartbeat.
“My buddy is back!” Sai greets me with open arms the second Istep into view.
“I am,” I say, my tone as enthusiastic as I feel.
He pulls me into a hug, patting my back while he says, “I’m sorry you didn’t get your wife. There will be others, and you will find The One soon.”
As if I haven’t already.“Sure.”
“Come on, let’s get to work.” He turns to face the team. “Everyone! Look who’s back!”
Our team of five cheers on cue. At leastthey’rehappy to see me.
~
In a rare occurrence, I step out of work before the sun goes down. My phone buzzes in my pocket. Pulling it out to check, I feel a smile pull at my cheeks. It’s embarrassing how much my heart leaps every time I get a text from Bri.
Bri: Can I call you?
Can she call me? She could step on me and I’d say thank you.
