I don’t answer her leading question. Bean leaves my chest, desiring to be in May’s presence as much as I do.
When my silence stretches too long, May nudges my mattress with her knee. “Yes?” I ask.
“So, Natalie dumped you last week or what?”
In their defense, I only told everyone I was going to New York two days before I left. Only May knew about Natalie. It was easy to hide her when she never wanted to be seen together. Our loving, romantic, committed relationship. I’m such an idiot.
“That’s not exactly what happened. Yes, we broke up, but I didn’t stay there for her.”
“Uh-huh. So, what? You had some kind of hot rebound?” My silence answers her question. “No fucking way. You did?”
“Try to sound a little less surprised.”
“You don’t have zero game. You have negative game.” An insult, but not a lie. “What, was it some forty-year-old with two kids?”
“No.”
“A fifty-year-old with four kids?”
“No. Stop. She’s my age, childless, and she’s fine as hell.”
“Liar.”
“Not lying.”
“Then prove it.”
Bet.I pull up my text messages and go to the selfie she sent me the night I should have spent with her rather than celebrating with her ex.
“Oh, damn,” she says. I slide to another picture of her hanging from me—one of her in those short shorts that causes movement inmyshorts. “Oh,damn!”
“See?”
“Then why aren’t you still there with her?”
Good question. “It’s complicated.”
“Did she let you fuck her at least?”
“May,” I scold.
“You can’t be a virgin forever.”
“I am not—ugh! You’re so annoying. Get out.”
“Glad to see New York didn’t change you, big brother.” Finally, she leaves.
I close my eyes and roll over, imagining the pillow beside me is Bri.We had sex. It’s still hard to believe. It was an unstoppable event, an undeniable pull to be with her, but it was as I feared. All I can think about is the high it gave me, the comfort of her body on mine, and the fear of how deep in love with her I could fall if she ever slipped up and gave me a chance.
I’ll let her call me first. If she ever does.
Twenty-two
Bri
Returning to California feels like giving up. Not giving up on myself, but giving up on happiness. It’s like coming home after a vacation I waited years to take. Liem was my beach, my happy place wherestress dissolved. We had the thrill of a summer fling that ended in the heartbreak we thought brevity would help us avoid.
I don’t want to be here.
