It’s been almost two weeks, and I still haven’t heard back about my interview. This is the reason I didn’t want to tell Liem where it was located, didn’t want to get my hopes up that the stars would alignfor us so easily. As I feared, I got all worked up just to get ghosted by yet another employer.
I will find something else. Until then, I’ll worry about surviving Christmas.
This time of year is notoriously horrible for most people’s mental health. Add in being a virtual orphan, the holiday cheer can be a yearly punch in the gut. Keisha started bringing me to her family’s Christmas celebrations when my mom was sick, and the tradition has continued since she passed. Every year, I spend Christmas Eve with her, leave her to enjoy her family’s gift exchange on Christmas morning, and meet back with her and Junie for our post-Christmas resuscitation party afterward. That will likely look different now that we have a new addition who is not of legal drinking age.
It’s Christmas Eve, and the only presents I could afford were baby-sized and cheesecake-flavored. The basics.
Me: Merry Winter Capitalism Day! Love you.
It’s Christmas where he is. It’s also four in the morning, but it will give him a little laugh when he wakes up.
I’m barely out of the car when Keisha comes rushing out of the house, baby in her arms. “Look whose favorite auntie is here,” she sings. Without prompting me, she puts Elle into my free arm, forcing me to trade her for the cheesecake. “I’m so glad you made it, thank you for bringing this, we have a full spread of desserts, David is here, and the ham we got smells delicious, you’ll love it.”
So cute of her to slip that in, like it wasn’t going to ruin my day if ham and desserts were mentioned. To be fair, it almost worked. “This is how you tell me you hate me?”
“Please stay. It’s Christmas Eve.”
“It is?Oh, well, thank you for the gift. I love it.” I ooze with sarcasm. She gives me a look of disdain that I shoot right back. “Take thebaby, I’m contemplating violence.”
“Bri, come on. I want you here. I need you here.”
Even though Keisha did all the work, Elle is Kellen’s baby too,I guess. He wants his friends to meet her, even the one responsible for the last six months of my mental, emotional, and financial instability. “I’m obviously staying.”
She lets out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”
“But I’m not happy about it.”
“I know, but you can’t be too unhappy with a perfect ball of niece in your arms, can you?”
My answer is a slow blink.
The squishy baby curled up on my chest, smelling good, does make me remember peace on earth and goodwill toward everyone except one man, yet the urge for vengeance still simmers within me.
Following Keisha up the steps, I take a deep breath to steel my nerves. “I want you here more than him, you know,” she says before opening the door.
“Well, I’d fucking hope so!”
We go inside, and I try to muster something resembling a smile. I must look like a snarling dog because Kellen takes one look at me and scuttles away.
Right past David.
He stands there, his body facing the small circle of people with whom he pretends to carry on a conversation while his eyes stay locked on me. He’s overdressed, as always, wearing a dark blue suit and a brown turtleneck that matches his shoes. Fresh fade, clean nails, probably smells expensive. They should keep me far away from the knives.
Elle stirs in my arms, whining.
Keisha reaches for her instinctively. “I just pumped, she’s probably hungry.”
I turn to keep Keisha from taking her from me. “Let me feed her.You go mingle. I’m not ready yet.”
A flicker of hesitation crosses her face. As if we haven’t been learning everything about babies for the first time together. “You know where everything is,” she says, giving in.
“Right where I left it,” I quip.
I put Elle’s whole room together—hell, this whole damn house—the day she came home from the hospital. They wanted topainther room with some VOC-riddled bullshit while Elle was in it. Instead, I convinced them to let me put together the padded fabric panels and the themed vinyl cutouts they had ordered months before, and afterward, I assembled the remaining furniture myself and organized all their fancy shower gifts as they came in.
“Love you. Thank you,” Keisha says, giving Elle a kiss on the forehead.
In Elle’s room, I put her on my shoulder, get the milk from the mini fridge, pour it, and place it into the bottle warmer. I’ve done this so many times I can complete most of the process with one hand. As little as I wanted to still be here when the baby came, I’m glad I was. Hospitals really do just let you walk out with a little human and hope for the best. Keisha was lost, Kellen even more so. Under the guidance of Keisha’s mom, we got a three-day crash course in baby care.
