But though he yearned to hear it—strained to hear it—as they fell into the abyss together, he could not help noting that she never said she loved him back.
ChapterTHIRTY-TWO
The distant crowing of a cockerel roused Georgie from the deepest slumber, and she sighed in contentment. After four blissful nights in Harry’s bed, it no longer surprised her that he was propped on one elbow smiling down at her. Neither did it surprise her that she was naked and fully exposed to his gaze from the waist up. He adored her naked, and Georgie, scandalously, adored being naked for him.
As it had every single morning since they had been intimate, and before he left for the dockyard a little after sunrise, his heated gaze devoured the sight of her in the dawn’s early light. First her messy morning hair, which didn’t feel quite so horrid now that she knew he had a penchant for red. Then it dropped to her breasts, and then her sleepy nerve endings instantly awoke when he slowly tugged away the sheet to rake his stare over the rest of her.
Like Eve tempting Adam, she stretched languidly, knowing full well it only kindled his lust further and that within another minute he would be inside her, and within five—or less—he would take her to heaven again. It never took long because he played her body likea virtuoso. Fortunately, for both of them, once was never enough. Especially after she snuck into his bedchamber as soon as the house was fast asleep.
Now that Ada and Tom were back, she usually gave it an hour before she crept along the landing. Their first coupling was also fast and greedy but oh, so satisfying. The second was always more relaxed—until it all got too much to bear—but that second time was when they took their time and tortured one another. She was pretty certain that there wasn’t an inch of her body he hadn’t kissed, and while she had been diligent in last night’s hunt, she had found nowhere new to kiss him either. So instead, she had kissed himthereuntil he had come undone and he had returned the favor. It had felt decadent and naughty and she had loved every single second of it.
She loved making love to him almost as much as she loved him, but as their allotted time together ticked swiftly past, she was coming to dread every morning despite its passionate start. Each time the sun rose, it signaled that they were another day nearer to saying goodbye.
He sensed it too, although by tacit agreement neither of them had mentioned it, because frankly, what else was there to say? When he had to sail away and she had to let him.
His gaze was intense as he traced the shape of her face, as if consigning it to memory. He had done similar yesterday before he had kissed her, a myriad of emotions swirling in his dark eyes, which ran the gamut from lust to regret. Yet this morning, he was concentrating so hard searching her eyes that there seemed no sign any kiss was forthcoming.
“Is everything all right, Harry?” She ran her palm over his cheek, marveling at the raspy feel of all the dark stubble that had grown overnight, while trying to turn the mood playful. “Or did I wearyou out last night after I insisted on that third time?” When she had awoken him from a deep sleep to ride him in the small hours.
Oh, how liberating and exhilarating it was to have the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to behave so wantonly for a man who fully appreciated that hitherto-unknown aspect of herself!
He stared deep into her soul, his dark brows meeting in consternation as he traced his finger over her lips. “You need to know that if you ask me not to sail away, I won’t.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly what it sounds like.” His smile was wistful and a tad martyring before he placed a kiss on her nose. “Ifyouask menotto sail away, I won’t.”
“If you want me to give you an excuse to turn your back on the bloodyBoadicea, I won’t do it, Harry!” She pushed him away to sit, angry and hurt that he was trying to put her in that untenable position. “And it is grossly unfair for you to ask!”
“Why?” He had the gall to look surprised at her offense. “We’ve got just days left, Georgie, so I figured one of us had to say something to fix things, and it clearly wasn’t going to be you.” He looked offended, as if she should have already wept at his feet and begged him not to sail away days ago. “At least I am trying to think of a solution to our problem. Trying to find a way to make us work.”
“And your solution is to askmeto askyounot to sail away?”
“I had hoped you might be pleased that I would do that because you might love me too!” He surged off the bed and stalked to where his clothes were neatly hung on the stand in the corner that formed part of Cuthbert’s makeshift cage, then snatched up his breeches. As if that was his cue to get up, the puppy yawned, stretched, then bounded out to lick his master’s ankles. “Clearly I was mistaken, and you actually do not care at all that I am prepared to make that sacrifice!” In atemper, he hopped as he fought both legs into the garment. “Which is good to know!”
“I do not want you to make any sacrifices!” She grabbed her own robe and shoved her arms into it. “I have been explicit about that since the very beginning of this.” She waved her hand at the rumpled bed, as that seemed like the safest way to categorize what they had—they were lovers. Albeit temporarily. “I went into this affair with no expectations and no agenda and you know that!”
“And no inconvenient feelings either, apparently.” He yanked on his shirt, then used his cravat to punctuate the air. “It did not go unnoticed that my one declaration of love was met with deafening silence!”
Of course it had been! This situation was difficult enough without having to bare her heart, and she wasn’t fool enough to believe words uttered in the heat of passion. Especially when he had reiterated repeatedly his need to sail away and the detrimental—catastrophic—impact to his career of not doing so. She understood what the navy meant to him and accepted this was all they could have instead, and in doing, had gone into this with her eyes wide open. She had thought he understood the parameters of their brief foray into passion too. After all, he had been the one to set them and he had certainly never tried to chafe against them before today. Yesterday, for pity’s sake, he had brought home all the maps and charts for theBoadicea’s first training maneuvers to show the children over the dining table. He would be sailing her to Calais and back in precisely twenty days with a skeleton crew and, he had proclaimed with great fervor, he didn’t care if the layabout shipwrights had to work through the night before to get her ready.
Now, suddenly, this morning, he would apparently give all that up.
Ifsheasked him to!
As much as St. Joan was tempted to throw the candlestick at his unreasonable, thick head, she wrestled her away and spread her palms, placating. “I don’t understand why you would want to spoil our last days together with futile recriminations and arguments? Why you would want to tarnish our otherwise lovely memories? You know that I don’t want to fight with you about it, Harry.”
“No. Of course you don’t.” He snatched up his boots. “Or fight for us either!”
He was halfway to the door when she caught his arm, aiming for diplomacy while St. Joan leaked regardless. “Do you honestly think that you are being fair to expectmeto be the one to ruin all your plans? To thwart your destiny? To scupper your career? To force you to make theultimate sacrifice?” All variations of his damning words this past week, although she could tell from the rigid set of his jaw they failed to hit their mark. “Then, no doubt, to have you forever resent me for it? What sort of anuswould we be then, Harry? Apart from miserable and trapped?”
“I have to go to work.” He tugged his arm away. “You know where to find me if you can find it in your hardened heart to change your mind.” He growled at her as if she had just murdered Cuthbert. “I shan’t hold my breath!”
She let him go.
What else could she do when he was so determined to be unreasonable?
As she had got into the habit of doing these last few days, she made the bed in case Ada noticed that both sides of it had been slept on, then carried the subdued puppy to her own room just in time to hear the back door slam as he left the house. St. Joan wanted her to remain angry, but all she felt was sad, as this felt like the beginning of the end. Some strange compunction made her wander to her windowand watch him stalk away, and that too seemed significant, as soon it would be for the last time.
