ICARUS
Morning Kimmy!
ME
Morning.
ICARUS
Whatcha doin’ this morning?
ME
Many, many things.
ICARUS
Really?
I’m kind of proud but I also have FOMO.
ME
No, not really. I have no plans.
Ever.
ICARUS
Do you want to?
I read the text a second time, then a third. My heart flutters, and I consider, for a moment, admitting that I do. That I want to get out of the house. That our early mornings twice a week aresomething I now look forward to. That ever since she pulled me back up onto the ice, since she’s been applying all of my coaching advice, I’ve been getting this feeling in my chest, right where that hole used to be. Something warm. Fulfilling.
I think I see pieces of myself in her that I thought I’d lost. And when we’re together, it feels like she shares them with me. Like for a moment, we’re whole.
ME
Why do you ask?
ICARUS
Any chance you’re craving ice time?
When my eyes flit across the text, my stomach sinks. I haven’t gotten my test results back from Dr. Oswell yet, but the break hasn’t been as kind to my body as I’d hoped. I thought, by now, that I’d feel better. Not cured by any means, but at least figured the persistent burn underneath my kneecaps would have soothed some, or that the rash forming on my left ankle would cease. Instead, both of my patellas throb with each step, and the erythema has spread faster than misogyny in the PWHL Instagram comment section.
I haven’t told Peyton about it yet. And I haven’t breathed a word of our sunrise skates to my mother either. I like the separation between my worlds. Peyton knows about the diagnosis, but not the current degree of it like my mother. And my mother knows that Peyton and I have stayed relatively in touch, though not the extent of how it makes me feel.
I like that. I like that Peyton sees me as strong enough to glide across the ice with her, in spite of my RA. I like that she thinks I’m good at coaching. I like lingering in this limbo.
But my mom was right. If I keep ignoring this, if I keep pushing myself like I did before, Icanandwillget worse.
ME
Aren’t you in Greenrock?
ICARUS
Got back last night. Figured I’d have an extra day before classes start.
