I wince.“But then you’ll know how truly neurotic I am.”
His lips twitch.“Abigail.You know you can tell me anything.”
“You might live to regret saying that, but okay.”I suck in another deep breath and blow it out in a rush.“What if I move here and I hate it?As a visitor, I have a romanticized vision of the city, but it’s different actuallylivingsomewhere.I’m familiar with Kingston, and I like the city.The sensible part of me tells me I should be practical and go back there, get a job, and find a place to live.”
“How has being sensible and practical worked out for you so far?”he asks.
“Ouch,” I murmur.“Shots fired.”
His mouth twists to the side.“You can stay in Scotland for up to six months without a visa.You can stay with me—either as a roommate orwithme, as a couple—or take my parents up on their open invitation to stay with them.In that time, you could experience the day-to-day of living here, discover all the little or not-so-little annoyances, and see if they’re worth it.I have a feeling even once you take off the rose-coloured glasses, you’ll be as in love with this city as you are now.It’s not perfect, but no place is.You said yourself you didn’t particularly like living in Toronto, and yet you stayed for years.”
“True.”I stare blankly out the window, letting my thoughts form and rearrange.I only realize I’ve been nodding like a bobblehead when I look back at Graeme and find him stifling a grin.
“I’m guessing there’s more?”he says.“Hit me.Let it all out.”
“I also worry we both have a romanticized vision ofus.Yes, we’ve known each other for nearly half our lives, and yes, we were best friends for years, but if you add up the amount of time wephysicallyspent together after we admitted our feelings for each other, it amounts to a total of two weeks.”
I slip out from under his hold so I can pace around the room.“What if I move here and we live together and we drive each other nuts?What if you get tired of having me around, or you hate my sub-par cooking, or we can never agree on what to watch or how we should spend weekends?What if you hate my music or I become homicidal because you...I don’t know, you leave your socks lying around or your underwear never makes it into the hamper or something totally random and stupid?What if you get bored with our sex life?What if these fears and worries never go away and you spend the rest of your life reassuring me about things I should simplybelievebecause you’ve proven yourself time and time again?”
“Abby.”Graeme steps in front of me to stop my pacing.I’m not sure what I was expecting his reaction to my word vomit to be, but it wasn’t the soft, open affection painted across his face.He reaches out tentatively, letting his hands hover over my upper arms until I nod.His palms land lightly, rubbing my arms before settling on my shoulders once more.
“I want you to know I heard everything you said, but do you know which part of that stood out to me the most?The part where I get to spend the rest of my life with you.Reassuring you doesn’t bother me.Even if you fully believe I’m in this for the long haul, I’dwantto make sure you know how much I love and cherish you.As for all the rest...we very well could drive each other mad, but that’s life.You love Drew more than anything, and she drives you up a wall at times, doesn’t she?”
“Yes,” I admit.“And I’m sure I drive her bonkers too.”
He laughs under his breath.“There you go.My parents are the epitome of a healthy, loving couple, and eventheyhave squabbles and disagreements.So do Brodie and Drew, and so wouldwebecause that’s human nature.We’d have to be honest, air our grievances, and commit to working through it andlovingeach other through it.”
Thoughts ricochet around my mind like ping pong balls, and I’m unable to catch hold of any of them to form a coherent response.
“Let me ask you this,” Graeme says.“Do you love me?”
“Yes,” I say emphatically, without hesitation.“So much it hurts.So much it scares me.”I press my palm to the centre of my chest, where an ache has resided for the last fourteen years.Sixteen, really, since a part of me has loved Graeme from that first day in the pumpkin patch.
He gently moves my hand aside and replaces it with his, flattening it directly over my heart.“It hurts because we’ve been apart.And it scares you because you don’t trust yourself.”
I open my mouth to argue, thinking he was going to say I don’t trusthim.When my brain computes what he said, my mouth snaps shut.He’s right.I trust him completely, and I always have; it’smyselfI don’t trust.It’s outside forces and my past and all the things beyond my control that I don’t trust.
“It’ll take work from both of us, and it might be hard and even painful at times, but I’m positive the good will outweigh any negatives,” he says.“The question is, are you willing to fight for the life wecouldhave?The fun and the laughter and the adventures and the amazing sex?”He gives me a look that’s both pointed and heated, and I can’t help but laugh under my breath.
His free hand moves from my shoulder to cup my cheek.“I truly believe you found your way back to me after all these years for a reason.Now let me love you, Abby.Not for a couple of weeks or for one night, but for a lifetime.”
A lifetime.How many second chances do people get in life?Orthirdchances, in our case?I consider what it would be like to live the rest of my life without Graeme.Because itwouldbe without him; even he has his limits, and me leaving again would push him past them, I’m sure of that.
Just like I’m certain that losing him for good would be the biggest regret of my life.
