Heat that has nothing to do with the bathwater floods through my body.I squirm, pressing my legs together to ease the sudden ache between them.One minute I’ve got a death grip on the side of the tub, and the next my fingers are slipping between my legs, seeking to soothe the throbbing there.
The bathroom door clicks shut, and I jerk upright, wrenching my hand away.I must not have shut the door all the way when I set my clothes outside, and Graeme likely noticed when he came to get them.
I dunk my head under the water and groan, eliciting a stream of bubbles.What iswrongwith me?Graeme is my friend.Other than Drew, he’s the best friend I’ve ever had.Would I be lying if I said there hadn’t been moments when I felt more for him and thought he might feel something too?Yes.Absolutely.But I’ve convinced myself I was confusing lust and love, and that whatever IthoughtI was feeling was actually physical attraction and nothing more.
Graeme is a big, strong man with a sexy voice and an even sexier accent.He’s got a hot body and beautiful eyes that are matched by an equally beautiful smile.You’d have to be dead not to notice how gorgeous he is.At least that’s what I’ve told myself in the dark, quiet privacy of my bedroom, late at night when my hand has been buried between my thighs, and thoughts of Graeme have driven me over the edge.
My feelings for Graeme are all muddled, causing my body, brain, and hormones to send each other mixed messages.Ultimately, none of it matters.In another few days, we’ll be living completely separate lives, and it’ll be...better.Easier.The panic that rises in my chest tells me that’s not true, though.Being away from Graeme won’t be easier, it’ll be hell.I’ve grown used to him being just a few streets away, and now he’ll be on a differentcontinent, a whole ocean away, in a different time zone.I thought seeing him here where he’d be living would make it easier, but all it’s really done is make me long to be herewithhim.
I could tell myself it’s Scotland I’m falling in love with.While that’s partially true, it’s clear this country isn’t the only thing I’m falling for.But can I really call it ‘falling’ when part of me suspects I’ve been in love with Graeme since the moment we met?
Shit.I amsoscrewed.
CHAPTER NINE ~ GRAEME ~ FOURTEEN YEARS AGO
“Ijust overheard atour guide say there are approximately fifteen-hundred castles and castle ruins in Scotland,” Abby says.“That’s absolutely mind-blowing to me.That means thousands of people live in places where seeing a castle every day is normal.”
She pauses, looking up from her camera to meet my eyes.“What am I saying?You live smack-dab between two castles.”She shakes her head and laughs, and I can’t help but join her.
We spent the day touring around Fife, with our final stop being St.Andrews.We saw the world-famous golf course, wandered around the university grounds and cathedral, and just finished a tour of the castle.
Having The Crew here in Scotland has reminded me of the early days of our friendship.There was nothingwrongwith my life in Kingston before Brodie, Abby, Drew, and Fern came along, but having them around made me realize I’d been going through life on autopilot: school, work, living in a rented house I liked but that didn’t feel like ahome.I was living in a little bubble, doing the same things and going to the same places.Abby and the others made me notice the incredible architecture, the beautiful parks, the historical landmarks, and the variety of places to shop and eat.
It’s felt the same since we’ve been here.While I’ve always been proud to be a Scot and don’t think I necessarily took this beautiful country for granted during my childhood, being back and seeing it all through Abby’s eyes has made me excited to live here again.I want to explore more and not get so caught up in work and everyday life that I end up sticking to my little corner of Edinburgh.
“When you move to Toronto, you’ll be living in a city that has its own castle,” I say.
Abby looks perplexed for a moment and then nods.“Ahh, right, Casa Loma.I missed a trip there in elementary school because I didn’t tell Grandma about it until it was too late.My dad had shown up out of the blue for the first time since dumping me on his mom’s doorstep a few years earlier.He only stuck around for a couple of days, but having him there upset Grandma and messed with my head for a few weeks afterward.”
She says all of this casually, but there’s a tightness around her eyes that’s impossible to miss.It’s rare that she talks about her parents, but whenever she does, her normally expressive face and voice go flat.Despite knowing there’s nothing I can say or do to fix it, whenever she mentions them, I want to scoop her into my arms and ease the aches of her childhood wounds.
“When Grandma found out I missed the trip, she wassoupset,” Abby says, her usual animation seeping back into her face and tone.“Not with me, but that I’d missed out on something fun.She took me on an overnight trip to Toronto, and we did a bunch of fun things, including Casa Loma.”
“And was it everything you hoped for?”I ask.
“It was better in a way, because I was with her.Class trips always seemed so chaotic and rushed.Grandma let me take my time and explore to my heart’s content.She had given me my first camera not long before that, and she spent a lot of the trip giving me pointers and encouraging me to try new things and see things differently.”
