She blows out a long breath.“Nervous?Excited?”Her gaze darts to mine, then back to where she’s picking apart a garlic knot.“Toronto is so much bigger than Kingston, and it’ll be my first time living alone.I feel like I’ve been in a bubble these last four years.Drew is my safety blanket, and I’m going to miss Fern.Plus, I’ve come to rely so much on you and Brodie.It probably sounds ridiculous, but it’s like I’m finally going to have to be arealadult soon, and that scares the shit out of me.”
“It’s not ridiculous,” I assure her.“It’ll be a huge adjustment, but you’ll be fine.You’ll make new friends, and Drew and Brodie won’t be too far away.Plus, you’re going to take the publishing world by storm and do great things.”
Doubt creeps across her expression, even as one side of her mouth curves.“Thanks.”She brushes crumbs off her hands and sits back, angling so she’s facing me with her bent knee on the couch between us.“As anxious as I am about being on my own, I also think it’ll be good for me.There are so many things I want to do.I had all these hobbies as a kid because my grandma encouraged me to try different things: painting, beadwork, knitting, jewellery making.”
“Photography,” I say.
She smiles.“That’s the one thing I still do, although not as frequently as I’d like.I always promised myself that when I was finished with school and had my own place, I’d pick up some of those old hobbies and try new ones too.”
“I bet you could find groups or classes.Could be a good way to meet people and make new friends in a strange city.”
“That’s a great idea.”She says this quietly, as if to herself.She moves the food boxes around until she finds a pen buried underneath.I’m about to ask if she wants a notebook—I’ve witnessed her list-making enough over the years to know what she’s doing—when she grabs her purse and removes a crumpled piece of paper.She smooths it out and scribbles something in the top right corner.
When she catches me watching, she scrunches her nose.“One of my many lists.”She slides it in my direction, and I smile to myself as I read it.
Things to accomplish before moving to Toronto:
Part 1: The fun stuff
-Group hike at Lemoine Point
-Do a 1000 Islands cruise
-Plan and host an epic graduation party
Part 2: The grown-up stuff
-Organize closet and donate clothes I don’t want to take with me
-Follow up with Professor Ludvig about letter of recommendation
-Research area of Toronto I’ll be living in.Grocery stores?Restaurants?Bus stops?
“I haven’t gotten far, as you can see,” she says.
“Want my opinion?”I ask.
“Always.”
I avert my eyes, once more hoping she won’t be able to read my true feelings.I clear my throat and tap the list.“I think you should focus on bulking up the fun stuff.You’ll have plenty of time for all the practical stuff in another few months.”
She twists her lips to one side in thought.“I like the way you think, MacKinlay.”
I laugh under my breath.“If you could do anything at all between now and the time you move to Toronto, what would it be?”
Her eyes immediately light up, then dim just as quickly.She shakes her head.“The one thing I want to do more than anything isn’t possible.”
“Why not?”
She huffs.“So many reasons.It would costwaytoo much and require too much planning, especially at this point.”
I have a feeling I know what she’s talking about, but I ask anyway.“What is it?”
Her cheeks turn pink.She glances toward the kitchen and moves her feet, giving me the impression she’s about to jump up and literally run away from this conversation rather than answer me.Finally, she blows out another heavy breath, trilling her lips.“Visit Scotland,” she says softly, then louder, “I’d visit Scotland.The girls and I have talked about it a lot since we met you and Brodie.We always said it’d be our big graduation trip, but we were clearly overlooking the fact we’re poor students living on scholarships, loans, and part-time jobs.”
After what feels like only a matter of seconds, Abby says my name.I jolt, realizing I’ve been sitting here, bobbing my head, lost in thought.She watches me with a concerned expression as I ponder whether to say something meaningless and placating, like I’m sorry they won’t be able to make that particular dream come true, or to spoil a huge surprise Brodie, my parents, and I have been cooking up.
“Graeme.”She pokes my bicep, then lays her warm palm on my bare forearm.“What’s going on?”
