The hardness of him presses between my legs, hot and insistent. My breath stutters. My pulse punches. It’sall heat and promise, straining against the confines of linen, and God, I want it. I want him. All of him.
My hips shift, a slow grind against him, and he groans low in his throat. The sound pours through me like gasoline.
“I’ve wanted this since that first message.” His fingers dig into my ass, his grip possessive. His hips rock, and the friction is enough to drag a moan out of me. It slips between our mouths, and I feel him smile against my lips. “All the things we said we’d do to each other…”
It should melt me. Instead, the line throws me back to the version of myself I used to sell—the filtered, edited woman who hid behind her phone and never had to face consequences.
I go cold.
I’m not that woman. I can’t be that woman.
“Wait.” The word is small and raw. “This isn’t right. I can’t.”
Confusion flickers across his features. “What happened? Did I—”
“No.” I scramble out of his arms, water sloshing over the rocky edge as I clamber up, fingers fumbling for my wrap and my purse. “I’m sorry.”
Barefoot, I bolt out of the Everspring. Each footstep kicks up a spray of sand around my calves as I run from the warmth of being wanted, from the way his mouth felt on mine. I run from the persona I sold and from the messy, real woman who’s trying to breaking free.
When his guard is down—when he’s drunk on heat and sex and whatever spell this place has spun—I can’t help but wonder who he really wants. The idea that it might not be me, thereal me, rushes through me like cold water.
I don’t know who I am right now—only that whoever she is, she’s too messy, too broken, too real to be anyone’s fantasy.
Especially his.
Wind whips my hair into my mouth and flings my wrap behind me like a warning flag. The sunset smears the sky in blood as the faint beat of the drums, the call of the nightly performance, drifts across the dunes from the kingdom’s caravan.
“Amanda!” he calls.
I keep running. I need space from Declan’s hands, from the fear he stirs in me. He catches up just as I crest the top of a dune, his hand closing gently around my arm.
“Please, talk to me.”
I stop. My chest heaves, and I lick my dry lips. Salt stings my tongue from the tears I didn’t realize had escaped.
He turns me to face him. His jaw is tight, chest rising and falling just as fast as mine. “You can’t keep running, keep pushing me away. We have to talk about whatever’s going on. We have to fix it.”
Grains of sand scrape my cheeks as I wipe away tears. “I am nothing like the woman I was on the app. I’m messy. I break things.” Tears burn as they fall, hot and humiliating. “I don’t know how you can see past all the ridiculous shit I’ve done, because I can’t.”
“It’s okay—”
“No, it’s not. This isn’t like it was before.” I throw up my free hand. “All this—it isn’t sexting and flirting. This is real. I don’t know how to be real.”
“Neither of us do. That’s why I’m not walking away.”
“Maybe you should.” I shake my head. “I’m not doing the passive aggressive thing. I just need to fix myself before I drag another person down with me.”
Declan’s grip tightens on my arm. “You think we’re both supposed to come into this perfectly put together? That’s not a relationship, Amanda. We’re supposed to be able to lean on each other, be there for each other.”
“How would you know? This started as a hookup.”
He scoffs and takes a breath, ready to say more, but I don’t let him.
“Don’t pretend otherwise. We were practically fucking each other in DMs. If we hadn’t ended up here, we probably would’ve had sex, I’d have left before morning, and we would’ve never seen each other again. I haven’t been honest—about why I perform, about what I’m afraid of. And you—” I swallow. “You were raised on a to-do list. We’re both…frauds. I can’t be your soft place to land, and you could never be mine.”
His expression falls then twists like I reached into his chest and crushed something vital. Like I confirmed whatever worst thing he already believes about himself.
“Declan, I’m sorry. That was—” My voice catches on the knot swelling in my throat, which is a good thing since I have no idea what to say. Maybe I’m being a coward. Maybe I’m finally telling the truth.
