“Sorry for swiping a roll off your plate,” I tell her. “If it makes you feel any better, you have excellent taste in sushi.”
“Thank you.” She smiles up at me, that same quirk of her lips that lifts the side of her mouth. “It really wasn’t that bad of a date.”
For a moment, I’m tempted to keep the night going after her admission. See if we can turn our second first date around after all. But maybe she’s being nice, letting me down easy. Which is why I return her smile and let the moment be.
“Goodbye, Leticia.” I hold out my hand and she eyes it with skepticism. Hugging her good night is too informal, and kissing her is out of the question. So boring handshake it is. She takes my hand, letting it fold over hers.
“Bye, Julian.”
5
Julian
So the date was a bust, huh?”
My best friend’s voice booms from the car speakers after connecting to my phone’s Bluetooth. Andrew isn’t usually the greatest at emotional support, but he’s surprised me in the past. After everything went down with my dad, he’s the one who said fuck him for not accepting me for who I loved and encouraged me to move out. I lived on his couch rent-free for five months before moving in with Angela.
If it weren’t for Andrew and my cousin, I don’t know what I would’ve done about my housing situation. It’s not that I was kicked out for liking men in addition to women—my mom fought as hard as she could for me to stay—but I needed to take myself out of the situation until the dust settled. That meant living on my own and working through college, even if it took me a bit longer to graduate.
“It was a stupid idea anyway,” I tell him as I back out of the parking spot. “I never should’ve rejoined the dating apps. No one finds the love of their life on a dating app.”
“Not after ranting about how much they hate marriage, they don’t.”
“I didnotrant about…Okay, yeah, I kinda did do that, didn’t I?” I let out a long sigh. “But I didn’t mean to. You’re the one who told me not to admit that I don’t want to have kids on the first date. I panicked and ended up dunking on everyone else who does.”
“Oh, so you’re saying it’s my fault you bombed?”
“You also told me to show up five minutes late. Maybe I can’t blame you for the four-lane closure that held me up, but I sure can blame you for telling me what time to leave.”
“Whatever, man. If you need a scapegoat, I’ll be your scapegoat,” he says. “Should I be worried about you, though? I mean, this isn’t like you. Between the two of us, if anyone’s more likely to be pegged a commitment-phobe, it’s me.”
“Yeah, but that’s a defense mechanism because you’ve never been in a serious relationship before Kayla.” A choking sound emits from the other line, and I smirk to myself. Then I let out a sigh. “Me, on the other hand? I have no idea what’s wrong with me.”
“Maybe you’re not the problem here,” he says. “She asked you out kinda fast. Next time take it slow, and keep it to messaging. That way you can at least ghost her if you’re not feeling it anymore.”
The emotional support thing comes and goes, but emotional maturity is another story. I would’ve called Angela for a debrief sesh instead of Andrew, but I don’t need my cousin giving me crap about us dating the same woman. Not that she ever went out with Leti in an official capacity, but still.
“Sure, because that’s not rude at all.” I let out a laugh. “How Kayla puts up with you, I will never know.”
Sometimes I swear relationships are easier when I’m not the one in them. Andrew and Kayla spent months circling each other, and even though it was obvious to everyone around them that they were into each other, neither of them made the first move. It wasn’t until Andrew finally let it slip that he was into her and I told him Ialready knew and that he should stop fucking around and ask her out already that they finally got together.
Maybe we’re wired as humans to get in our own way. It’s why I took so long to answer Leti when she asked me out, but maybe that’s a bad example. I should’ve taken my initial hesitation as a warning that danger lay ahead, but after the crushing realization that she’d forgotten my existence entirely, I didn’t expect her to remember me so soon.
“It might be rude, but I bet you’re wishing you’d ghosted her right about now.” Andrew laughs.
I roll my eyes, not bothering with a response. I can’t say I knew what I was looking for when I rejoined the dating apps. If my parents’ divorce is getting to me more than I realize, or if I was searching for something to make me less…lonely. I could afford a place on my own after landing my first teaching position, but it was an easy yes when Andrew asked if I wanted to be roommates again. Though he spends so much time at Kayla’s it’s almost like I live on my own anyway. Even now, as I ask if he wants to do anything when I get home, he tells me he’s already on his way to his girlfriend’s place.
“Oh. Sure.” I let out a sigh as the light turns red. My eyes lock on the hot-pink bumper sticker on the car ahead of me as disappointment settles in. This is something I’ll have to figure out on my own. “We’ll talk later, then.”
“Wait. Hold on, man.” His voice is tight, which is how I know whatever he’s about to say is hard for him. Maybe he can sense something wrong in my tone, which would be out of character since he’s normally oblivious to other people’s feelings. “Our schedules haven’t crossed much this week, and I wanted to check in on how you’re doing with…you know.”
You knowis his way of asking how I’m holding up after the divorce news. It didn’t come as much of a surprise when my mom told me she was filing last week. My father moved out of the housemonths ago, and my mom signed up for eHarmony the first night he was gone. Their relationship has been over for a long time. Divorce feels more like a formality at this point.
“It was inevitable,” I tell him. “They’ve been separated for months now. Mom is moving on, and I guess my dad is too.” Not that I would know. My father and I have been no contact for months longer than the separation. The thing I conveniently left out when I told my best friend what’s been going on with my parents is the ultimatum she gave him before their marriage ended: “Repair things with Julian, or get out of our lives for good.”
My dad picked the choice I knew he would.
“Still. It must be tough seeing your mom date,” he says. “I know I’d be throwing all sorts of temper tantrums if my parents were getting divorced, let alone dating other people.”
